a. Head for the largest open expanse of urinal available. If you stand too close to someone, they will think that you are gay. If you stand too far away from someone, they will think that you think that they are gay.

b. Three shakes only. Two is unhygienic, four is a wanker.

c. If you fart, say Whooaa, what a ripper!

d. Dont look. Real men never compare sizes.

e. Never use the drying machines or the towels. Walking out with wet hands into the bar looks like the condensation off at least six pitchers.