Mississippis finest

GLN (Good-Looking Nerd) : Can I help you?

MHP (Mississippi Highway Patrolman) : Do you know how fast you were
going, boy?

GLN : Im not sure. The needle doesnt reach the high numbers very well.
I would estimate somewhere between 80 and 85, closer to 85.

MHP : You were going 84 miles an hour.

GLN : See, I was close. I mustve been going uphill.

MHP : What was that?

GLN : Oh, nothing. Is there some reason you pulled me over?

MHP : Im going to have to give you a ticket, boy.

GLN : No thank you.

MHP : What was that?

GLN : If its all the same to you, Id just as soon you keep your
ticket. I dont really have any use for one.

MHP : Dont try to weasel your way out of this, boy. Im going to
give you a ticket.

GLN : What for?

MHP : WHAT FOR??? Speeding, thats what!

GLN : You mean youre going to give me a ticket for going two miles
per hour over the speed limit?

MHP : TWO MILES??? Dont you know what the speed limit is, boy?

GLN : Its posted on the white sign with black letters, right?

MHP : Right.

GLN : 82. Thats what the sign said, 82.

MHP : Thats not the speed limit. This is highway 82.

GLN : I thought this was highway 55. It goes through Winona.

MHP : 55 is the speed limit. This is highway 82. I-55 goes through
Memphis and Jackson.

GLN : But Im going to Starkville, not Memphis or Jackson. You must
be confused.

MHP : This is NOT I-55. This IS highway 82, and it does go to Starkville.

GLN : Thats right. Im going to Starkville on highway 55, and the
speed limit is 82. I dont think you should give me a ticket for
going two miles over the speed limit.

MHP : The speed limit is 55. Didnt you see the sign with the words
SPEED LIMIT and the number 55 on it?

GLN : I was wondering why they would write that on the sign telling the
name of the highway.

MHP : It ISNT the highway sign. The highway is 82, and the speed limit
is 55.

GLN : Do you think you could hurry up and get to the point? Im kind of
in a hurry.

MHP : Is this your car?

GLN : Yes, do you like it?

MHP : Would you turn down that music?

GLN : Its Aretha Franklin. It goes with the car, dont you think?
What are you doing?

MHP : Im writing you a ticket.

GLN : For going two miles over the speed limit?

MHP : No, for going TWENTY-NINE miles an hour over the speed limit.

GLN : Do you think thats unsafe?

MHP : Absolutely. Its very unsafe.

GLN : If I was going so fast, then how did you catch me?

MHP : Well, uh…

GLN : Do you think its safe for you to drive that fast?

MHP : Yes. Ive been trained for high-speed pursuit.

GLN : Dont you think its rather hypocritical of you to be giving me
a ticket? How many wrecks have you had?

MHP : Thats irrelevant.

GLN : Did you see that?

MHP : What?

GLN : That black car just sideswiped your patrol car and kept going.
If you hurry, you can probably catch him.

MHP : #@*%^$! And thats my new patrol car, too. You wait here while
I apprehend that criminal!

GLN : Yeah, right.

[Ed: A work of fiction]

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