You cant be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. – Frank Zappa.

Always do sober what you said youd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. – Ernest Hemingway.

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. – Winston Churchill.

He was a wise man who invented beer. – Plato.

Time is never wasted when youre wasted all the time. – Catherine Zondonella.

A woman drove me to drink and I didnt even have the decency to thank her. – W. C. Fields.

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. – Lady Astor to Winston Churchill.
Madam, if you were my wife I would drink it. – Churchills reply.
Sir, youre drunk! – Lady Astor to Winston Churchill.
Yes madam, and youre ugly. But in the morning I will be sober. – Churchills reply.

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs. – David Daye.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. – Henny Youngman.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. – Benjamin Franklin.

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. – Jack Handy.

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. – Dave Barry.

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. – Humphrey Bogart.

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. – David Moulton.

People who drink light beer dont like the taste of beer, they just like to pee a lot. – Capital Brewery, Middleton, Wisconsin.

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. – Kaiser Wilhelm.

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer. – Homer Simpson.

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. – Unknown

I drink to make other people interesting. – George Jean Nathan.

They who drink beer will think beer. – Washington Irving.

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. – Ernest Hemingway in For Whom the Bell Tolls.

Youre not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. – Dean Martin.

All right, brain, I dont like you and you dont like me – so lets just do this and Ill get back to killing you with beer. – Homer Simpson.