A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students.The teacher asked, Harry what is your problem? Harry answered, Im too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third -grade and Im smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!Ms Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principals office.While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.Principal: What is 3 x 3?Harry: 9.Principal: What is 6 x 6?Harry: 36.And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, I think Harry can go to the third-grade.Ms Brooks says to the principal, Let me ask him some questions? The principal and Harry both agree.Ms Brooks asks, What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?Harry, after a moment Legs.Ms Brooks: What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?Harry: Pockets.Ms Brooks: What does a dog do that a man steps into?Harry: PantsMs Brooks: Whats starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?Harry: CoconutMs Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?The principals eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.Harry: BubblegumMs Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?The principals eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.Harry: Shake handsMs Brooks: Now I will ask some Who am I sort of qu
There are 3 hunters in the woods, theyre all telling each other what theyre are going to shoot. The first one says hes going to get a buck. So he goes out and comes back with a buck. Then the other 2 hunters ask how he did it and he says, I see tracks I follow tracks I get buck. So the second hunter says "Im gonna get a doe." So he goes out and comes back with a doe. Then the 3rd hunter asks him how he did it. The 2nd hunter says, I see tracks I follow tracks I get doe. So the 3rd hunter says, Im just gonna shoot at anything I see. So he goes out and comes back half a day later all beaten bruised bloody and totally trashed. And the other two hunters ask what happened and he says, I see tracks I follow tracks, I get hit by train!
Compton City Schools has announced that its special Ebonics version of Windows 98, Retitled Dis Be a Fresh Window has been leaked to several white suburbs, causing confusion for unsuspecting Caucasian users.
There are numerous differences between Windows 98 and the Ebonics version. When opening the Ebonics version, the familiar Windows chime is replaced with a phat getto track that melts em down wit dope-ass bass.
The opening screen features a Windows logo that is spray painted on a brick wall-along with several gangsta signs, slogans and shout outs.
On the main screen, My Computer is replaced with Dis My Shit. The Recycle Bin has been replaced with a Goodwill dumpster, and the Internet Explorer shortcut reads, Tittie & Booty Sites.
If users are logged on to a network, the Network Neighborhood is replaced with Da Hood.
Users have their choice of three animated screen savers
Marquee, a lil G spray-painting dirty words that move across the screen; Mystify, a 15-year-old crack whore giving birth to 12 children on screen, or Flying Bullets, a 64 Olds loaded with gangstas doing a desktop drive by.
Users of the Ebonics version will notice several command and dialog box changes
Break Back In = Reentry
Aww Shit, Nigga = Error
U Betta Recognize = No
Itz All Good = OK
4 Real Doe = Yes
Hold Up, Dawg = Cancel
Do Dat Shit Again = Reset
Nigga, R U Crazy? = Are You Sure?
Hunt Dat Bitch Down = Find
Put A Cap In It = Delete
Games & Shit = Programs
Letter Shit = Documents
The Ebonics version comes standard with a special edition of Microsoft Works titled Homie Essentials. The word-processing program greatly differs from the mainstream program.
Several functions on the title bar have been changed
Dat be Thang = File
I Be Seein It = View
Put Sumpin In = Insert
Hook It Up = Format
Stuff I Aint Need = Tools
Number Shit = Table
Break In = Window
What Da Fuck? = Help
Note Stuff I Aint Need does not include spelling or grammar check options. Also, the familiar AutoCorrect has been replaced with Keepin It Real.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
What was the last thing they gave to Elmo before he left the factory?
2 testtickles!
Dear Dr. Science,
Why do male dogs furiously kick up grass and dirt with their hind legs after using the bathroom?
— Keith Henry, Sylva, NC
Theyre angry that they dont have access to a real bathroom and theyre showing their displeasure. Not that dogs enjoy bathing, no, they just want to have a chance to sit on the porcelain throne and read the morning paper the way the rest of us do.
There are many other things that dogs are angry about and a myriad of ways in which they vent these negative feelings.
Biting the mailman is a common one. So is chewing shoes and making toll calls to the psychic hotline when no one else is at home.
An unsupervised dog is an accident waiting to happen.
(from Dr. Science this week)
George W. Bush ran into Colin Powells office exclaiming, "Dick Cheney hanged himselfin his bathroom!" Colin Powell says "Oh, No! Did you cut him down?" "Cut him down?" asks George W. "How could I cut him down? He wasnt dead yet!"
why did the elephant where the diaper to the party?
cuz hes a party pooper!
I want my bedroom painted sky-blue pink.
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they
decide to go to the girls place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his
hands. He then takes off his pants and washes his hands.
The girl watches him and says, You must be a dentist!
The guy, surprised, asks, Yes… how did you figure that out?
The girl says, Easy; you keep washing your hands.
One thing leads to another and they make love. After they are done,
the girl says, You must be a great dentist.
The guy, now with a boosted ego, says, Yes, I sure am a great
dentist. How did you figure that one out?
The girl says, Easy; I didnt feel a thing!