Criminal lawer is a redundancy!
09
Jun
09
Jun
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor said to him, You need to join the Army of the Lord!
My friend replied, Im already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.
Pastor questioned, How come I dont see you except at Christmas and Easter?
He whispered back, Im in the secret service.
09
Jun
Am I good at delegating? You Bet! I always find someone to blame!
09
Jun
The inevitable result when your baby doesnt appreciate the strained
carrots.
09
Jun
What do you call an eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
Why do blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First
Three blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours, they saw a sign that said Disneyland left. So they turned around and went home.
What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but never see them.
What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
Oh,look, Daddy….doughnut seeds!
Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.
Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
How can you tell when a blonde sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
Why cant blondes dial 911?
They cant find the 11 on the phone.
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run, shes got a grenade in her mouth!
How can you tell if a blondes been using your computer?
There is white-out all over the monitor.
Why shouldnt blondes have coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
A blonde and a brunnette were walking outside when the brunnette said,Oh, look at the dead bird. The blonde looked skyward and said, Where? Where?
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool.
Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
How do you get a twinkle in a blondes eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Hear about the blonde who got an AM radio?
Took her a month to figure out she could play it at night.
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey team?
They drowned during spring training.
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
Duh! Look! They spelled Macys wrong!
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Tuesday.
Why are blondes boobs always square?
Because they forget to take the kleenex out of the box.
09
Jun
Yo mama so stupid she climbed a glass wall just to see what was on the other side.
09
Jun
YO mama is sooo white that when she puts on make-up she looks dirty!
09
Jun
A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer.
The barman says Sorry we dont serve snails and throws him out.
A couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says… What did you do that for!
09
Jun
Three blokes were working on a high rise building project, Macca, Chook and Simmo. Chook falls off and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes
the body away, Simmo says, Someone should go and tell his wife. Macca says, OK, Im pretty good at that sensitive stuff, Ill do it. Two hours later, Macca comes back carrying a slab of VB. Simmo says, Where did you get that, Mac? Chooks missus gave it to me. Thats unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer? Macca says, Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, You must be Chooks widow. She said, No, Im not a widow. And I said, Wanna bet me a slab?
09
Jun
Darling, whispered a frail little husband from his chair.
Im very sick, would you please call me a vet?
A vet? Why do you want a vet and not a medical doctor? asked his wife.
The husband replied, Because I work like a horse, live like a dog, and have to sleep with a silly cow!