A bunch of blondes walk into a restaurant celebrating and chanting 28 days, 28 days, it only took us 28 days!!
Everyone was wondering what took them 28 days and why they were celebrating. Finally, when the blondes were about to leave, a waitor goes up and asks What took you 28 days, why are you celebrating??
All the blondes say We just finished a puzzle in 28 days and on the box it said 3-6 years!!!
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PrezBubbaWhats up?
DRUNKBORIS:nmh
DRUNKBORIS:Hows the knee?
PrezBubbaThey may have to amputate
PrezBubba
A bum asks a man for $2. The man asked, Will you buy booze? The bum said, No. The man asked, Will you gamble it away? The bum said, No. Then the man asked, Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesnt drink or gamble?
100 men were waiting at the pearly gates of heaven to go when god appeared.
He said since as you have all lived such good lifes, i will grant you all
one wish each!
So, turning to guy No.1 he said what would you like as your wish?
To be beautiful was his reply, and so it was done.
God asked the question to man 2 and he also said to be beautiful.
Then they all were saying it and when it got to guy number 14, number 100 at the back began to giggle …
Guy 28 was saying he wanted to be beautiful when man 100 laughed out loud, and he got a piercing stare from everyone.
By the time it got to man 84, the number 100 was rollling on the floor
laughing his head off!!! But they all ignored him.
After man numero 99 said he wished to be hansome (a bit of variation!) the
guy 100 finally got his wish.
But first God asked why he was laughing, no reason he said; so God
shrugged his shoulders and asked him the same question as all the others:
what do you want?
The 100th guy said To make them all butt-ugly again!
Yo mama so ugly Ted Dansen wouldnt date her!
Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman
A Christmas tree doesnt care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.
A Christmas tree doesnt care if you have an artificial one in the closet.
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
The Top 15 Ways Your Life Would Change if Your Tongue Were 2 Feet Long
15. Wet willies from two tables away!
14. Almost guaranteed to be Madonnas sole boyfriend for at least a week or two.
13. Now can carry *two* dozen donuts while juggling.
12. Much easier to clean behind the refrigerator.
11. You can finally do that 3-puppet show without getting arrested.
10. Two-handed typing during cybersex!
9. Interested in Anna Nicole Smith but youre 18, healthy and poor? Not a problem anymore!
8. Youd be a shoe-in for Hollywood Lizard Boy roles.
7. For once, itll be the dogs turn to look at you with envy.
6. Youd need Mick Jaggers lips & John Elways teeth to stay in proportion.
5. When picking nose, can cut out the middle man.
4. Tie a cherry stem with your tongue? Hell, gobble a handful and weave a friggin picnic basket!
3. Increased number of taste buds finally allows one to discern between Kool-Aid flavors.
2. Your previously-neglected navel would suddenly be your second cleanest body part.
and the Number 1 Way Your Life Would Change if Your Tongue Were 2 Feet Long…
1. The counselor at Oversized Features Anonymous shows interest in you, but you cant help but question her motives.
Al momento de salir la carroza funebre, Pepito rompe a llorar.
Papá, no me dejes, llévame contigo, papá, buahhhhh…
El público aglomerado en la salida de la funeraria rompe a llorar sin
contemplación. Y el niño continuaba su cuadro de dolor:
Papá no me dejes, no me dejes papá, llévame contigooooo…
De repente el chofer de la carroza, frena y sale del vehiculo y grita:
¡Mira muchacho del demonio, vete para la casa y déjame trabajar!
Did you hear about the two Mexicans on Thats Incredible?
One had auto insurance, and the other was an only child.
Recently I answered the phone and it was a sales person from a long
distance company. They asked for my late father by name.
Im sorry, I answered, but hes dead.
Their reply, May I leave a number in case the situation changes?