Old and New Jokes

There are 3 hunters in the woods, theyre all telling each other what theyre are going to shoot. The first one says hes going to get a buck. So he goes out and comes back with a buck. Then the other 2 hunters ask how he did it and he says, I see tracks I follow tracks I get buck. So the second hunter says "Im gonna get a doe." So he goes out and comes back with a doe. Then the 3rd hunter asks him how he did it. The 2nd hunter says, I see tracks I follow tracks I get doe. So the 3rd hunter says, Im just gonna shoot at anything I see. So he goes out and comes back half a day later all beaten bruised bloody and totally trashed. And the other two hunters ask what happened and he says, I see tracks I follow tracks, I get hit by train!

Compton City Schools has announced that its special Ebonics version of Windows 98, Retitled Dis Be a Fresh Window has been leaked to several white suburbs, causing confusion for unsuspecting Caucasian users.
There are numerous differences between Windows 98 and the Ebonics version. When opening the Ebonics version, the familiar Windows chime is replaced with a phat getto track that melts em down wit dope-ass bass.
The opening screen features a Windows logo that is spray painted on a brick wall-along with several gangsta signs, slogans and shout outs.
On the main screen, My Computer is replaced with Dis My Shit. The Recycle Bin has been replaced with a Goodwill dumpster, and the Internet Explorer shortcut reads, Tittie & Booty Sites.

If users are logged on to a network, the Network Neighborhood is replaced with Da Hood.
Users have their choice of three animated screen savers
Marquee, a lil G spray-painting dirty words that move across the screen; Mystify, a 15-year-old crack whore giving birth to 12 children on screen, or Flying Bullets, a 64 Olds loaded with gangstas doing a desktop drive by.
Users of the Ebonics version will notice several command and dialog box changes
Break Back In = Reentry

Aww Shit, Nigga = Error

U Betta Recognize = No

Itz All Good = OK

4 Real Doe = Yes

Hold Up, Dawg = Cancel

Do Dat Shit Again = Reset

Nigga, R U Crazy? = Are You Sure?

Hunt Dat Bitch Down = Find

Put A Cap In It = Delete

Games & Shit = Programs

Letter Shit = Documents
The Ebonics version comes standard with a special edition of Microsoft Works titled Homie Essentials. The word-processing program greatly differs from the mainstream program.
Several functions on the title bar have been changed
Dat be Thang = File

I Be Seein It = View

Put Sumpin In = Insert

Hook It Up = Format

Stuff I Aint Need = Tools

Number Shit = Table

Break In = Window

What Da Fuck? = Help

Note Stuff I Aint Need does not include spelling or grammar check options. Also, the familiar AutoCorrect has been replaced with Keepin It Real.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

What was the last thing they gave to Elmo before he left the factory?

2 testtickles!

Dear Dr. Science,

Why do male dogs furiously kick up grass and dirt with their hind legs after using the bathroom?

— Keith Henry, Sylva, NC

Theyre angry that they dont have access to a real bathroom and theyre showing their displeasure. Not that dogs enjoy bathing, no, they just want to have a chance to sit on the porcelain throne and read the morning paper the way the rest of us do.

There are many other things that dogs are angry about and a myriad of ways in which they vent these negative feelings.

Biting the mailman is a common one. So is chewing shoes and making toll calls to the psychic hotline when no one else is at home.

An unsupervised dog is an accident waiting to happen.

(from Dr. Science this week)

George W. Bush ran into Colin Powells office exclaiming, "Dick Cheney hanged himselfin his bathroom!" Colin Powell says "Oh, No! Did you cut him down?" "Cut him down?" asks George W. "How could I cut him down? He wasnt dead yet!"

why did the elephant where the diaper to the party?

cuz hes a party pooper!

I want my bedroom painted sky-blue pink.

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they
decide to go to the girls place.

A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his
hands. He then takes off his pants and washes his hands.

The girl watches him and says, You must be a dentist!

The guy, surprised, asks, Yes… how did you figure that out?

The girl says, Easy; you keep washing your hands.

One thing leads to another and they make love. After they are done,
the girl says, You must be a great dentist.

The guy, now with a boosted ego, says, Yes, I sure am a great
dentist. How did you figure that one out?

The girl says, Easy; I didnt feel a thing!

One day a lady was driving on the Highway. She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his flashing lights. She thought to herself, Uh-oh, what have I done now? Im not speeding. Im not drinking. I have my seat belt on! I have kept up my license dues and everything!So, she pulled over and the police car pulled over to the side right behind her car. She drove her car slowly to a stop, slowly rolled down the window, and prepared for a ticket when she knew she didnt deserve it. A policeman walked up to her window, and spoke to her. The lady pointed to her ear and shook her head, meaning she was deaf. The policeman smiled slightly, and knowing sign language, signed back, I know. Im here to tell you that your horn is stuck.