Real engineers wear jewelry made from discarded motherboards.
Contrary to popular belief, real engineers do put on nail polish; they just never remove it.
Real engineers schedule their yearly Pap smear around their beta release schedule.
Real engineers not only nurse and program at the same time, but they lull their babies to sleep by the clacking of the keyboard.
Real engineers buy their husbands matching screwdrivers for Christmas, but use them more than he does.
Real engineers get narcotics during labor, not for the pain, but to stop them from taking the fetal distress monitor apart.
Real engineers dont shave their legs above the hemline, in the interest of efficiency.
Also in the interest of efficiency, real engineers buy convertibles so they can blow-dry their hair on the way to work in the morning.
Real engineers carry 2 cans of soup, a yogurt (and a spoon), a box of Triscuits and a package of light Hostess Cupcakes in their purses at all times, in case they pull an all-nighter.
Real engineers only buy purses big enough to fit their laptops in.
Real engineers only wear slipon shoes (with or without heels) so she can take them off to sit cross legged in her chair while programming.
Real engineers keep getting thrown out of Vicorias Secrest because they insist on knowing the exact tensile strength of their bras before buying them.
Real engineers are excited at their first periods, but mostly because its gives them a chance to use the biometric viscosity measurement tools in their science kits.
Real engineers carry a set of matched screwdrivers in their purses.
Real engineers figure out how to nurse and fix the toaster at the same time.
Real engineers fix the runs in their pantyhose with duct tape.
Real engineers figure out algorithms to minimize thread usage when doing counted cross stitch.
Real engineers keep their key chains and pen pocket protectors on even during labor.
Real Engineers look on having a baby as an opportunity to brush up on biomedical and structural engineering in preparation for taking the PE exam.
Real engineers cinch their biking skirts with cable ties.
Real engineers read the toxic shock inserts in the tampon box.
Real engineers examine the inner workings of the fetal monitor between contractions.
Real engineers make cantilevered birthday cakes (but never provide documentation on how to cut them!)
Real engineers never spell in front of the kids; theyd like to, but they cant!
T-shirt sighting – worn by woman, caption situated exactly over her left breast – Im a fermata – hold me.
An avid church goer and NASCAR fan died and went to heaven. Upon entering, this person noticed pro driver Alan Kulwickis race car, and asked St. Peter about it. St. Peter said Alan was in heaven and his car was on display.
Walking a little further, the man sees Davey Allisons car. Once again he inquired to St. Peter about it.
Davey Allison is also in heaven. In fact, Gods a BIG NASCAR fan, so when drivers die, their race cars get put on display.
Walking further, the individual came upon Jeff Gordons #24 Chevrolet – the phenomenal kid who is breaking every record on the racing circuit. At this sight, the new heaven dweller panicked!
Oh, No! St. Peter, Jeff Gordon was about to win the Championship this year, and you mean to tell me he has just died?!?
No, no, St. Peter chuckled, Thats Gods car. He lets Jeff use it on weekends.
You might be a redneck if…
You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
Honk if Bill Clinton says youre rich!
three men walk into a bar you would think the last one would of seen it
You might be a redneck if your trucks roof is higher than your trailers.
Va Venancio por una calle oscura junto a su amigo Manolo. De repente salen tres hombres de la oscuridad.
Manolo sale corriendo y queda Venancio solo y desamparado, a la merced de los forajidos.
Cuando están por pegarle y dejarlo sin sus pertenencias, aparece un hombre a caballo vestido de negro, con antifaz negro, sombrero negro, capa negra, con una Z dibujada en la espalda, una Z dibujada en el sombrero, una Z en el pecho y una Z en la montura del caballo.
Baja les pega con su espada a los ladrones, los hiere, les dibuja una Z en las ropas a cada uno, y los pone en retirada.
Venancio, agradecido, se tira a sus pies y le dice:
¡Gracias ZUPERMAN!
Iba un estadounidense con un tontilandés en un barco, cuando de repente el gringo se cae al agua y comienza a gritar:
¡Help! ¡Help!
Y el tontilandés responde:
A joder, gel no tengo pero si quieres te puedo dar spray.
Two men are talking in the bar sharing their sob stories. One man says, I had the worst Freudian Slip the other day.
The other man responds, What is a Freudian Slip?
You know, its when you mean to say one thing, but you say something else that reveals what you are really thinking about. Like the other day I was at the airport and this really beautiful lady was helping me. Instead of asking her for two tickets to Pittsburgh, I asked her for to Pickets to Tittsburgh.
The second replies, Oh, now I know what you are talking about. Its like the other day when I was having breakfast with my wife. I wanted her to pass me the Orange Juice, and instead I said, YOU RUINED MY LIFE BITCH!