One day Temel came to Istanbul and got into a boat from Haydarpasa. While they were sailing, the boat started to shake and Temels suitcase fell into the water.
An old fisherman said, If you were careful enough, this would not have happened. What will you do now?
Temel answered in a quiet way, Do not worry, the keys are still with me.
I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken.So anyway, one day he went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over. When he got out of the tub he realized that his kidneys had been stolen, and he saw a note on his mirror that said Call 911!But he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened an e-mail entitled Join the crew!He knew it wasnt a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who was working on software to save us from Armageddon when the year 2000 rolls around.His program will prevent a global disaster in which all the computers get together and distribute the $600 Nieman Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates.(Its true-I read it all last week in a mass e-mail from Bill Gates Himself, who was also promising me a free Disneyworld vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.)The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidneys, but reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped a note that said, Welcome to the world of AIDS.Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital-the one, actually, where that little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he receives.I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of xs and os in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to twenty people you will have good luck but ten people you will only have ok luck and if you send it to less than ten people you will have bad luck for seven years).So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himsel
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Juan!
Juan who!
Juan to hear some more of these?
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Les!
Les who?
Les go for a swim!
A New Zealander, a sheep and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck.
They found themselves stranded on a desert island and after being there for a while they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down.
One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the Kiwi.
Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Kiwi took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and lo, and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the Kiwi had ever seen.
She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health.
When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual.
It was another beautiful evening: red cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon the New Zealander started to get those feelings again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear…
Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?
Estaban en un coche una vieja, una chica que estaba muy bien, un argentino y un brasileño. El coche entró en un túnel muy obscuro. Se escuchó un beso y en seguida el sonido de una cachetada.
La vieja penso: Qué carácter el de esta chica. Uno de los dos muchachos la besó, y ella le dió una cachetada.
La chica pensó: Uno de los muchachos intentó besarme, acabó besando a la vieja y le dió una cachetada.
El argentino pensó: ¡Qué azar! El brasileño dió un beso a la chica y quien se llevo la
cachetada fui yo.
El brasileño: ¡Cómo soy despierto! ¡Di un beso en la espalda de mi mano y di una cachetada al argentino!
(Zdena)
A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar, sits down on the stool and orders a beer. The bartender looks them over for a second and says, Okay, you can stay, but youd better not start anything.
If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They usually screw in cars.
What is the Cuban national anthem?
Row Your Boat!