Están dos enamorados bailando bien pegados. El novio le dice a la novia:
MarÃa, cada vez que bailo contigo bien pegado siento que el corazón se me sale.
Y le contesta la novia:
¡Ay, Pedro, tú si que tienes el corazón bien abajo!
23
Apr
23
Apr
Estaban platicando dos maquinistas, que por su trabajo se ausentaban varios dÃas de su casa, decia uno:
Cuando llego a mi casa, le envÃo un telegrama a mi esposa, al pasar por el frente toco el silbato del tren y siempre me recibe cariñosa y sonriente como una esposa fiel.
El otro le comenta:
Yo, por el contrario, nunca le aviso cuando llegaré, tres kilometros antes de que el tren pase frente a mi casa apago las máquinas para llegar sin hacer ruido; llego a la puerta frontal de mi casa y la golpeo gritando ya llegue vieja. En seguida corro hacia la puerta trasera donde tengo un bat de beisbol. Hasta la fecha no se me ha escapado ningun hijo de la chingada.
23
Apr
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. Do you serve lawyers in here?, the man inquires.
Sure do!, replied the bartender.
Great!, the man said. Ill have a Coors Light, and how bout a lawyer for my gator.
23
Apr
What happens when people of different occupations get old.
– Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.
– Old garagemen never die, they just retire.
– Old hackers never die, they just go to bits.
– Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
23
Apr
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their
head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.
23
Apr
Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.
23
Apr
Do you suppose that it occurs to the power company that they are making a double pun when they send their bill commanding Please Pay Current Charges?
23
Apr
Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four. The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out.
The cashier asks Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?
The nine year old replies Nope, not for my mom.
Casher: Well they must be for your sister then?
Nine year old: Nope, not for my sister either.
Cashier, curious now: Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister, who are they for?
The nine year old says Theyre for my four year old little brother.
The cashier is surprised: Your four year old little brother?
The nine year old explains: Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother cant do either of them!
23
Apr
Forwarded from a friend whos doing student teaching this semester…
these are actual quotes taken from junior high students science
tests….
* The dodo is a bird that is nearly decent now.
* A thermometer is an instrument for raising temperance.
* Geometry teaches us to bisex angels.
* The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
* To collect fumes of sulhpur, hold a deacon over a flame in a
test tube.
Brent Nordquist
23
Apr
14> Your coffee stays hot all day!13> Never have to look very far to find the legal department.12> In Hell, you *know* who drank your Coke in the fridge — Satan!11> 30% fewer Dilbert cartoons in the break room.10> In Hell, that devil-may-care attitude of yours comes in handy. 9> You get to spend more time with your spouse now. 8> No more wondering if the boss hates you. 7> Riding to work in a handbasket beats the hell out of public
transportation. 6> Hourly dunks in searing pools of molten lava actually quite
invigorating. 5> Surfing porno sites all day scores *major* points with the boss! 4> Your office: One free stale donut every Friday.
Hell: One brutal mutilation of a Full House cast member every
Friday. 3> Your job? Suit and tie.
Hell? Pitchforks and attitude, Baby! 2> Ferocious reptilian demons can appreciate a good dirty joke
now and then without threatening a sexual harassment complaint. 1> Microwave popcorn — without leaving your cubicle!