En una pelea de boxeo, el comentarista presenta a los rivales:
En esta esquina, pesando 300 lbs; con 55 peleas, 51 muertos, 3 heridos y 1 en cuidados intensivos: Kid Asesino.
La multitud aplaude como loca.
Y en esta otra esquina… Alguien agarre a ese boxeador… ¡Agárrenlo, agárrenlo!
The offices were very nice, and the clients were only raping the land, and
then, of course, there was the money..
Always remember to pillage before you burn.
Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com
What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?
A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
Arkansas MUST be pronounced Arkansaw.
Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.
There was this guy, lets call him bob. One night Bob went to about 5 bars, and he drank, like, 17 beers.
After he was done with that, like any normally functioning person, he really had to go. So he asked the bartender where the bathroom was, and he went to where he thought it was.
Later that night, Bob was laying in bed trying to go to sleep, and he was thought, wait a minute.. there was a golden toilet!! Right then he got up and went out to find the special toilet. He had hit 5 bars that night, so he went to the first one, asked where the bathroom was, when he went and looked, there was no golden toilet.
This continued until he got to the last bar, he was really tired by then, and rather then going to look for the toilet himself, he asked the bartender, do you by any chance have a golden toilet here? and the bartender said to another person that was there, hey! I think I found the guy who crapped in the tuba!!!
What do men consider a 50-50 relationship?
We cook, they eat! We clean, they dirty! We iron, they wrinkle!
Dear Tide:
Im writing to say what an excellent product you have! Ive used it ever since the beginning of my married life, when my Mom told me it was the best.
Now that I am older and going through menopause, I find it is even better. In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse.
My unfeeling and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was, and generally started to become a pain in the neck.
One thing led to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldnt come out.
After a quick trip to the supermarket and got a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out!
In fact, the stains came out so well, that some detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests were negative and my attorney said that I would no longer be considered a suspect!
I thank you, once again, for having such a great product. Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.
Signed,
A Relieved Menopausal Wife
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, except fathers mouse. The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As father did last-minute Internet shopping.
The stockings were hung next the modem with care In the hope that Santa would bring new software. The children were nestled all snug in their beds, With visions of computer games filling their heads.
Dark Forces for Billy, Doom II for Dan, Carmen Sandiego for Pamela Ann. The letters to Santa had been sent out by mum, To santa@toyshop.northpole.com–
Which now had been re-routed to Washington State Where Santas workshop had been moved by Bill Gates. All the elves and the reindeer had had to skedaddle To flashy new quarters in suburban Seattle.
After living a life that was simple and spare, Santa now finds hes a new billionaire, With a shiny red Porsche in place of his sleigh, And a house on Lake Washington just down the way > From where Bill has his mansion. The old fellow preens In black Gucci boots and red Calvin Klein jeans. The elves have stock options and desks with a view, Where they write computer code for Johnny and Sue.
No more dolls or tin soldiers or little toy drums Will be under the tree, only compact disk roms With the Microsoft label. So spin up your drive, >From now on Christmas runs only on Win95.
More rapid than eagles the competitors came, And Bill whistled, and shouted, and called them by name. Now, ADOBE! now, CLARIS! now, INTUIT! too, Now, APPLE! and NETSCAPE! youre all of you through,
Its Microsofts SANTA that the kids cant resist, Its the ultimate software with a traditional twist – Recommended by no less than the jolly old elf, And on the package, a picture of Santa himself.
Get em young, keep em long, is Microsofts theme, And a merger with Santa is a marketers dream. To the top of the NASDAQ! To the top of the Dow! Now dash away! dash away! dash away – wow!
And mum in her kerchief and me in my cap, Had just settled down for a long winters nap, When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, The whirr and the hum of our satellite platter, As it turned toward that new Christmas star in the sky, The SANTALITE owned by the Microsoft guy. As I sprang from my bed and was turning around, My computer turned on with a Jingle-Bells sound.
And there on the screen was a smiling Bill Gates Next to jolly old Santa, two arm-in-arm mates. And I heard them exclaim in voices so bright, have a Microsoft Christmas, and to all a good night!
The above document was written by Chet Raymo.