Why does Sirrell the Squirell always float on his back?
To keep his nuts dry!!Duhh!
03
Apr
03
Apr
Yo Mamaso fat she was on Jerry Springer and Ricky Lake at the same time.
03
Apr
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter comes and takes their drink order.I would like a Sprite, said the first little piggy.
I would like a Coke, said the second little piggy.
I want water, lots and lots of water, said the third little piggy.. The drinks are brought out and the waiter takes their orders for dinner. I want a nice big steak, said the first piggy
I would like the salad plate, said the second piggy.
I want water, lots and lots of water, said the third little piggy.. The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert. I want a banana split, said the first piggy.
I want a root beer float, said the second piggy
I want water, lots and lots of water, exclaimed the third little piggy. Pardon me for asking, said the waiter, but why have you only ordered water? The third piggy says Well, somebody has to go Wee, wee, wee, all the way home
03
Apr
A young boy comes in from playing with his friend to ask his father a question. Dad, what is a penis?
I will show you, the father says, unzipping his fly. That, my son, is a perfect penis.
The boy returns to his young playmate outside. So? What did your father say? the friend asks.
The young boy unzips his pants and says, This is a penis – and if it was four inches shorter it would be a *perfect* penis.
02
Apr
Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise
02
Apr
At the time of writing, Microsofts slogan for Windows 95 was Where do you want to go today? These are some alternative and probably more truthful ad slogans for use with Windows.
7. Windows 3.1: The best $89 solitaire game you can buy.
02
Apr
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: The change is 90% complete.
02
Apr
A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police.
The officer looked at the guys photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him.
Yes, please she replied. Tell him Mother didnt come after all.
02
Apr
With yet another young man in her life Elizabeth Taylor decided that in her advancing years she needed to tighten up her vaginal area. She put her trust in her plastic surgeon of 30 years standing, the one who had carried out her face-lifts, boob jobs and ass-lifts. Sworn to secrecy, he agreed that no-one but him would ever know. He carried out the delicate operation, carefully slicing away strips of the loose folds of skin. It is a long operation!
Liz awakes the next morning to see 3 get well soon cards on her bedside table. She is appalled and demands to see the doctor. No-one but you should know about this! You have let me down,she says.
Ah says the doc,this card is from my wife and I wishing you a speedy recovery. How nice , says Liz.Thank you – what a nice thought. The second card is from old Madge the cleaner who has cleaned up after all your previous operations – she is to be trusted.
What a beautiful thought , from such a humble person -Im really touched, says Liz. But who is the 3rd card from? asks Liz.
Oh, says the doctor, thats from Evander Holyfield — thanking you for his new ears!!!
02
Apr
Un tipo llega a las Vegas y le va excelente en un casino, gana fácilmente unos 200,000 dls., por lo tanto, el casino le regala una suite por una noche, con la esperanza de que se quede y pierda todo lo que gano.
El tipo llega a la Suite y ve por la ventana panorámica, una fabulosa vista de la ciudad. Entonces, necesitando de alguien con quien compartir su suerte, llama al botones y le pide le mande a la mejor chica de la vida alegre que pueda conseguir. En un ratito, llaman a la puerta y aparece la mujer más bella y perfecta que se puedan imaginar. El tipo la mira, anonadado, va y sirve dos tragos. Luego, le pregunta Cuanto por un trabajo manual?.
La chava no lo piensa dos veces y le contesta 500 dls.
Queeeee? responde el primero, es carÃsimo.
La chava lo lleva a la ventana y le dice:
Ves ese mall allá abajo? Tengo tres tiendas de ropa exclusivas. Las puse con el dinero que gano haciéndolo con la mano. Debo ser muy buena en ello, no crees?
El tipo lo piensa, y como no tiene ningún problema de dinero, se lo da. Media hora después, todo tembloroso y jadeante, se levanta y sirve otros dos tragos.
– Ese ha sido el mejor trabajo manual que me han dado en mi vida… Cuanto por sexo oral?.
La chava responde: 5,000dlls.
El otro exclama de nuevo, asombrado por el alto precio. La chava lo lleva de nuevo a la ventana y le señala un edificio a lo lejos: Ves ese casino y hotel? Es mÃo, lo compre con el dinero que gane haciendo sexo oral. Debo ser muy buena haciendo eso… no crees? . El tipo accede. Una hora después, esta tirado, con la cabeza hacia atrás, los ojos en blanco, temblando, sudoroso, babeando y jadeante…
– Ese es el mejor sexo oral que he tenido en mi vida… Cuanto quieres por sexo completo? Y la chava le contesta:
Querido, si tuviera una vagina, serÃa la dueña de la ciudad…