How did Bill reply regarding questions of coaching Monicas testimony?
It wasnt words that I put in her mouth.
13
Feb
13
Feb
One of my friends works in the customer service call center of a national pager company. He deals with the usual complaints regarding poor pager operation, as well as the occasional crank caller demanding to be paged less often, more often, or by more interesting people.
The best call came from a man who repeatedly complained that he keeps being paged by Lucille. He was instructed that he would have to call her and tell her to stop paging him.
She dont never leave no number, so I cant call her back, he said.
After three such calls, someone thought to ask how he knew it was Lucille if she didnt leave a number.
She leaves her name was the reply.
After establishing that the customer had a numeric-only pager, the light bulb came on. How does she spell her name? the service rep asked.
L-O-W C-E-L-L
13
Feb
Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two extra things
left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve.
He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to
stand up while urinating.
Its a very handy thing, God told the couple, who he found under an apple
tree. I was wondering if either one of you wanted that ability.
Adam jumped up and blurted, Oh, give that to me! Id love to be able to do
that! It seems a sort of thing a man should do. Oh please, oh please, oh please,
let me have that ability. Itd be so great! When Im working in the garden or
naming the animals, I could just stand there and let it fly. Itd be so cool. I
could write my name in the sand. Oh please God, let it be me who you give that
gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please…
All right, said God. Adam will have the ability to stand up while urinating.
That leaves Eve the ability to have multiple orgasms.
13
Feb
Banta bought a brand new maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar to Jalandhar to meet his friend.He reached Jalandhar in a few hours. After spending a few days there he decided to return and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didnt reach Amritsar that evening and not even the next day.
When he finally reached home on the third day his distraught mother ran out hugged him an asked,Arre puttar kya hoya?? Banta got out tired and said, Oy ye Maruti wale pagal hain, agge janne ke leye chaar gear banaate hain aur pichche jane ke leye sirf ek!
13
Feb
A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane.
The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat.
The man isnt sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading.
A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat.
The man is becoming more and more curious about the shuddering.
A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders violently again.
The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, Three times youve sneezed and three times youve taken a tissue and wiped your nose then shuddered violently!
Are you sending me signals, or are you going crazy?
The woman replies, Im sorry if I disturbed you. I have a rare condition and when I sneeze, I have an orgasm.
The man, now feeling a little embarrassed but even more curious says, Ive never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?
The woman looks at him and says, Pepper.
13
Feb
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing Love stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says Im sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, Guess who?
But why? asks the man.
Im a divorce lawyer, the man replies.
13
Feb
Two guys were walking their dogs and came across a bar. Since they were hot and tired from walking the dogs they decided to go in and have a drink. Unfortunately, the bar didnt allow dogs. There was no place to safely secure the dogs, so they started thinking of ideas to get in the bar. Then one of the guys had an idea.
Just watch me and follow my lead, he said.
He walked into the bar with his dog and the bartender stopped and said to him, Im sorry but I cant let you in here.
The guy looked at the bartender and asked, Why not?
The bartender replied, Well, we dont allow dogs into the bar.
But this is my seeing eye dog, the guy said.
Oh, Im sorry sir come on in, and by the way, nice golden retriever.
The guy went into the bar and the second guy walked in with his dog. The bartender stopped him and told him he cant let him in. When asked why not the bartender replied that you cannot have dogs in his bar.
But this is my seeing eye dog, said the second guy.
The bartender looked at the man and then looked at the dog. After a while he said, Sir, ah um a Chihuahua?
The man looked a little puzzled and then said, What? They gave me a Chihuahua?
12
Feb
Llegan unos recién casados maracuchos a un hotel y la inocente muchacha se dirige al marido:
Mi amor, yo no sé de estas cosas, asà que me vais a tener que enseñar.
Mi vida, a partir de este momento a tu cosita le vamos a llamar la prisión y a éste que tengo entre las manos le vamos a llamar el prisionero, asà que vamos a meter al jodÃo prisionero a prisión.
Después del primero, el tipo se tira boca arriba en la cama, pero la muchacha queda entusiasmada:
Mi amor, el prisionero está fuera de la prisión.
El esposo no muy entusiasmado le contesta:
Vamos a meterlo a prisión otra vez.
Y siguen con el segundo. Pero la muchacha es bastante golosa e insiste:
Mi vida, el prisionero está fuera otra vez.
Como puede el tipo se levanta, con las piernas temblándole y se va por el tercero. Termina y se tira en la cama, exhausto. La mujer vuelve a la carga:
Papi, el prisionero se volvió a salir.
¡No jodas, pero tampoco es que vamos a darle cadena perpetua!
12
Feb
Q: Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!
12
Feb
The light bulb seems to working fine on our system…