Old and New Jokes

Dont blame God – hes only human.

What is a waterfall that goes upwards?…Viagrafalls

A Bihari went to a cigarette shop and asked for one Wills: Bhai ek Will
dena.
so the guy selling the cigarettes told him that there is no brand by
the name of Will. it is Wills, but the Bihari insisted and said I want one
Will, so the person told him unless you say it correctly i.e Wills I wont
sell it to you, so the Bihari went mad and said Hum ek hi to maang rahen
hain pura packet to nahin maang rahen hain.

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write for sensual massage.

3. Specify that your drive-through order is to go.

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip…

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

…the ceremony was OK, but the reception was fabulous

Sung to the tune of American Pie
A long, long week ago
I can still remember how the market used to make me smile

What Id do when I had the chance
Is get myself a cash advance
And add another tech stock to the pile.

But Alan Greenspan made me shiver
With every speech that he delivered

Bad news on the rate front
Still Id take one more punt

I cant remember if I cried
When I heard about the CPI
I lost my fortune and my pride
The day that NASDAQ died

So bye-bye to my piece of the pie
Now Im gettin calls for margin
Cause my cash accounts dry

Its just two weeks from a new all-time high
And now were right back where we were in July

Were right back where we were in July

Did you buy stocks you never heard of?
QCOM at 150 or above?
Cos George Gilder told you so

Now do you believe in Home Depot?
Can Wal-Mart save your portfolio?
And can you teach me whats a P/E ratio?

Well, I know that you were leveraged too
So you cant just take a long-term view

Your broker shut you down
No more margin could be found

I never worried on the whole way up
Buying dot coms from the back of a pickup truck
But Friday I ran out of luck

It was the day the NAAAASDAQ died

I started singin
Bye-bye to my piece of the pie
Now Im gettin calls for margin
Cause my cash accounts dry

Its just two weeks from a new all-time high

And now were right back where we were in July
Yeah were right back where we were in July

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.After becoming very frustrated with the no haggle attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, Maybe Ill just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price! The shopkeeper said, By all means, be my guest. Maybe youll luck out and catch yourself a big one! Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, Damn it, this one isnt wearing any shoes either!

Puede estar caída o funcionando. Siempre es más divertida cuando está funcionando, pero también se hace difícil terminar cualquier otro trabajo.

En el pasado distante era utilizada con el único propósito de transmitir información vital para supervivencia de la especie. Hay gente que piensa que debe usarse sólo para eso, pero la mayoría de la gente la usa para divertirse la mayoría del tiempo.

Es un instrumento ameno para interactuar con otras personas.

Si no se toman las medidas necesarias es probable que puedan transmitir uno que otro virus.

Una vez empiezas a jugar con ella, no puedes parar.

Siempre cuesta dinero conectarte con ella.

Algunos la usan, otros no.

Algunas personas estarán devastadas si algún día se las llegan a quitar.

Es una forma de matar tiempo, cuando no tienes nada que hacer.

Es Plug & Play.

Whats Monica Lewinskys favorite place in Washingto D.C.?

Under the beltway.

Yo mama so hairy a blind man mistook her for his seeing eye dog.