Dear Tide,
I have always used your product ever since my college days, because mom says it was the best. One weekend about a month ago, I was at my girlfriends place, wearing my new white shirt. Much to my chagrin, I spilled some red wine on my white shirt. She made a comment about my drinking problem, one thing lead to another, and soon I had her blood all over my not-so-nice white shirt. I tried washing it with her detergent, and it just didnt do the trick. So, on my way home, I stopped at the store and picked up a box of new Ultra Tide. It washed the stain so well that the DNA tests were entirely inconclusive! I cant praise your product enough. Thank you for saving my life! I must go now. I also have to send my praise to the makers of Hefty garbage bags… Thanks again! John Smith
One day joey,sam, and bob went on a hunting trip. When they finally got a deer and started heading back to the car it was already getting late. after awhile joey and sam started complaining. Joey was tired of dragging the deer and wanted to stop and gut it, to make it lighter. Sam just had to shit realy bad. After awhile bob got tired of the whining and stopped. Sam went off in the woods to shit while joey and bob gut the deer. After a couple minutes joey and bob took some deer guts and snuck up on sam. they placed the guts under sam and went back to finish guting the deer. when sam came back his face was white as if he had seen a ghost.guys i really had to shit and i mean i REALLY had to shit said sam. joey and bob started laughing and asked what had hapened. well i went shit and when i turned around to look at what was in me i saw my guts in a big pile, but dont worry, i put them back in!said sam.
There was this fried egg walking down the street in Havana
minding its own business. It hears some noise behind it,
turns around, and sees a crowd of hungry Cubans in the
distance bearing down on it.
It runs away as fast as its little fried egg legs will
go, when it sees a steak. It yells to the steak, Run
away! Run away! Theyll get you too! but the steak just
laughs and says, Shit, they wont even recognize me!
Pick them up off the floor
If the prefix con is the opposite of the prefix pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?
Sniff the air and say it smells like a bordello.
Repeatedly zip and unzip your fly.
Go into a lengthy story about how you had Mexican food last night and ask if you can use the bathroom.
Mention that Mr Happy is primed and ready.
Ask what time you should return your date tomorrow morning.
Recite a couple of bawdy limericks.
Ask the mom and dad what position they were in when they conceived their daughter.
Scratch your crotch and say your herpes is acting up again.
Pretend to eat your arm.
Ask the dad if you can borrow a couple of condoms.
The day after a verdict had been entered against his client, the lawyer rushed to the judges chambers, demanding that the case be reopened, saying: I have new evidence that makes a huge difference in my clients defence.The judge asked, What new evidence could you have?The lawyer replied, My client has an extra $10,000, and I just found out about it!
I found the following professionally printed handbill posted on a door
in the Georgetown physiology department.
Did you know?
EVERY TIME A LOAF OF BREAD
IS BAKED,
APPROXIMATELY
150,000,000 YEASTS ARE
KILLED.
Come to the award-winning 1987 film,
The Very Small and Quiet Screams
— a cinematic electromicrograph of yeasts being baked.
A must for those who care about yeast,
and especially for those who dont.
Evening showing in Johnson & Wales
Pirsig Auditorium: 7PM, 4/19
SPONSORED BY
Brown Anaerobe Rights Coalition (BARC)
Student Bakers for Social Responsibility
Coalition for the ELevation of Life (CELL)
Campus Crusade for Fetal Matters
Defend all life: from greatest to least, from human to yeast!
This poster printed on 100% yeast-free paper.
Well, a man was driving down a country road, and he decided to get out and get some fresh air.
He got out, and started walking in a meadow. As he walked, he came upon a hole. Wanting to see how deep it was, he threw a pebble down. No sound. So he threw a medium-sized rock down. No sound.
The man started to get frustrated, so he threw a boulder down. No sound. As he searched about, he spotted a railroad beam. He hauled it over to the hole, and shoved it in. No sound.
He sat down on the ground, exhausted. Suddenly, he saw a goat running at him, full speed. He leaped up, and it brushed past him, and fell in the hole. He listened, but there was no sound.
He sat down again. A few minutes later, a farmer came walking up. The man asked him, How deep is this hole? The farmer said, Oh. Thats the bottomless pit. It never ends. Say, have you seen my prize goat?
The man, not wanting to get the blame, said, No. The farmer said, Oh well. He cant get far. He was tied to a railroad beam.
Did you here about the gay midget? He finally came out of the cabinet.