Old and New Jokes

Three Little Pigs walked into a resterant one day.The Waiter asked them what they wanted for Dinner. The first Piggy said i want that steak please.The second piggy said i want pasta and the third piggy said i want water lots and lots of water.


The meal was served and a while later the waiter asked if the piggys wanted any derset. i wan the banana spilt said the first piggy. i want the apple pie said the second piggy. i want water lots and lots of water said the third piggy. the derset was served and a moment later the waiter asked the third little piggy: Why have you only orded Water all day?


Well someone has to go wee wee wee all the way home.

After a shipwreck an Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Russian are stranded
on an island. They survive there for a while, and one fine morning a
bottle is washed up on the shore.

They open it and out comes a genie. So, of course it says: Ive been in
that bottle for a thousand years, and I am infinitely grateful to you for
letting me out. I will grant each of you one wish.

The Englishman says, I want a million pounds and to go home.

So he disappears.

The Frenchman says, I want a million women and to go home.

So he disappears.

The Russian grows sad, and says Why, they were nice. I grew to like them!
I want a million bottles of vodka, and… Both of them back!

Whats the difference between boogers and broccoli? Kids dont eat broccoli!

Wouldnt it be great if men were made by Kodak!

They would automatically shut off when they werent being used. You wouldnt have to wait for them to recharge after each shot. They last longer and come with a warranty. You can try them out first for a two-week trial period and return them if not satisfied with no risks or hassle. They exist to capture the moment, not ruin it. They come in fashion colors. You can keep them in maximum zoom. They come with replaceable or adjustable parts. The parts that count are portable. They dont mind over-exposure. They respond to the slightest touch. The one you want is available at a KMART near you

One sunny day in Ireland, two men were sitting in a pub, drinking some Guinness, when one turns to the other and says You see that man over there? He looks just like me! I think Im gonna go over there and talk to him. So, he goes over to the man and taps him on the shoulder. Excuse me sir, he starts, but I noticed you look just like me! The second man turns around and says Yeah, I noticed the same thing, where you from?, Im from Dublin, second man stunned says, Me too! What street do you live on?, McCarthy street, second man replies, Me too! What number is it?, the first man announces, 162, second man shocked says, Me too! What are your parents names?, first man replies, Connor and Shannon, second man awestruck says, Mine too! This is unbelievable!

So, they buy some more Guinness and theyre talking some more when the bartenders change shifts. The new bartender comes in and goes up to the other bartender and asks Whats new today? Oh, the Murphy twins are drunk again.

Where does Bill Clinton have sex?

– In the oral office.