Old and New Jokes

Consults with supervisor often: Very annoying.

Delegates responsibility effectively: Passes the buck well.

Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice.

Este es un tipo que viaja a Frankfurt a una feria de novedades y allí en un stand se tropieza con el anuncio de unas gafas mágicas que si se las pone uno ve a la gente desnuda. El tipo, un poco escéptico, se ríe y le pide a la dependienta que se las deje probar por si es verdad…

Asi lo hace, se las pone y se asombra al ver a la dependienta totalmente desnuda. Las prueba de nuevo y ve que funcionan. Después de pagar una buena cantidad, el individuo sale muy contento con sus gafas y de camino para el aeropuerto se pone a ver a todo el mundo desnudo.

Cuando llega a su casa, se encuentra a su mujer con su vecino en el sillón de la salita, los dos en pelotas. El tipo se quita las gafas y observa que siguen desnudos… se las pone… se las quita… ¡y siguen desnudos! Muy serio va y dice. ¡Jooodeeeer! ¡Con lo caras que me costaron las puñeteras gafas y ya se han estropeado!

Q:Do you know how to confuse a coal miner?







A:Show him two shovels and then ask him to take his pick.

A teacher decides that she is going to teach her second grade class a new word today. She tells them that the word is definitely and its meaning is absolute, positive, without a doubt.



She asks the class if anyone can think of a sentence with the word in it. She calls on little Susan who is in the back raising her hand, quite sure of herself.



Susan stands up and says, The sky is definitely blue.



The teacher replies to her, Well, thats a good sentence but sometimes the sky is gray, and sometimes its cloudy, and sometimes its red and pink so the sky is not definitely blue. Anyone else?



Toms hand flies up and she calls on him.



Tom answers, The water is definitely clear.



Well, Tom thats a good sentence but sometimes the water is muddy, and sometimes its green, and sometimes its full of seaweed so its not definitely clear. Anyone else?



Finally, in the far corner, little Robert slowly raises his hand.



Yes, Robert? asks the teacher.



Can I ask a question, teacher? Robert replies.



Yes.



Do farts have lumps?



No. Why do you ask.



Well, then Ive definitely pooped in my pants.

A rabbi on a TV program mentioned that he had compiled a list of
four hundred sins. He received millions of requests for his list,
mostly from people who wanted to find out what they were missing.

-Sam Levenson

Whats brown and sits in the forest?Winnies Pooh.

I am a pastor and father of two children. The day before we were to attend a cousins high school graduation, I thought Id prepare the kids, knowing how fidgety they can get.

Graduations are sometimes long, boring events, I said. I want you guys to behave and not ask constantly when its going to be over.

Dont worry, Dad. Well live, my daughter replied. We last through all your sermons, dont we?

Rev. Matthew Sassano, Jr.

How can you compare a lite beer to making love in a canoe? Its fucking close to water!

Q: How many recovering addicts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes twelve steps.

Doctor Watson was told by Sherlock Holmes gardener that there was a doubtful looking schoolgirl in Holmes bedroom. Watson heard strange muffled sounds coming from the bedroom and, fearing that Holmes was danger, broke down the door to find Holmes and the girl indulging in a 69.

Good God Holmes! said Watson, What kind of a schoolgirl is this?

Elementary, my dear Watson, Elementary.