Hillary and Chelsea are sitting around the table having a mother/daughter talk.
Hillary asks Chelsea, You have been going to college for awhile now. Have you had sex yet?
Chelsea says, Well, not according to Dad.
15
Jul
15
Jul
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Zinnia!
Zinnia who?
Zinnia on TV – You look shorter!
15
Jul
Success can be insured only by devising a defense against failure of the contingency plan.
15
Jul
Different people look for different things in the Ten Commandments.
Some are looking for divine guidance, some for a code of living, but
most people are looking for loopholes.
-Sam Levenson
15
Jul
The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his secretary.
He shouted at him, Is this what I pay you for?
The manager replied: No, sir, this I do free of charge.
15
Jul
An American has sex with a Soviet emigre woman. The next day his prick turns black. He runs to a doctor and asks, Doctor, is this some weird venereal disease?
Worse, says the doctor. Its frostbite!
15
Jul
The mouse is referred to as a critter.
There is a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
The password is bubba.
Windows 2000 has a Dale Earnhardt sticker on it.
Outgoing faxes have beer stains on them.
The printer goes really slow since Bubba dont read too fast.
The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts installed in them.
The menus all have Budweiser, Black Label, and Old Milwaukee options.
The monitor is up on blocks.
And, The Number One Way….
There is a skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
15
Jul
A blonde woman was standing at the pop machine; she put in her money and pressed the Coke button and out came a can of Coke. She looked at it and smiled. She took out a dollar, put it in the pop machine pressed the 7Up button and out came a can of 7Up. She looked at it and really started smiling. She put in the change from her dollar and pressed the Coke button again, out came another can of Coke. Then she was just beaming!
There was a man standing there watching her, and he finally went up to her and said, What are you doing? She looked at him and said, Duh, Im winning!
15
Jul
12. Every morning at the bus stop, that same pig is reading the newspaper – upside down!11. Whenever you cross the road, so does that damned chicken!10. That foul smell, and youre not with your beer drinking buddies.9. Heavy bleating on the other end of the phone.8. Silhouette of knife-wielding Holstein appears on your shower curtain.7. Everywhere you do, the bell! the Bell!! THE BELL!!!6. You find a knit cap and FOUR bloody gloves.5. You keep hearing , Oink Oink, and there isnt a SeenSay toy in sight.4. After an ugly break-up with Flopsy, you find Glenn Close floating in a pot on your stove.3. While baking custard pie, you step in cow pie.2. All 84 Caller ID entries read, Babe.and the Number 1 Sign Youre Being Stalked By A Farm Animal…1. Note on your doorstep says, Well see whos laughing at Thanksgiving this year, Ginsu Boy!
15
Jul
An ultra Orthodox couple met their rabbi at their temple to consult their upcoming wedding. they had one problem that they needed to ask the rabbi about.
Rabbi, said the man, my fiance and I really want to dance together at our celebration, can we?
Absolutely not! replied the rabbi The men and women have to dance seperately to be modest and dignified!
Fine, says the woman. Then a huge question comes up on her mind. Can we have sex?
Absolutely, says the rabbi, reproduction is a mitzvah!
Even before marriage? says the man.
Its all a mitzvah.
Woman on top?
A mitzvah.
On the kitchen table?
It still doesnt change the fact that its a mitzvah, so go right ahead.
How about standing up?
ABSOLUTELY NOT! yells the rabbi.
Why? both partners ask?
Could lead to dancing.