Old and New Jokes

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Stu!
Stu who?
Stu late to ask questions!

Q: Why is Chelsea growing up a confused child?
A: Because dad cant keep his pants on and mom wants to wear them.

Q: How many netters does it take to submit a light bulb joke?
A: 2, 1 to do it and 1 to read this huge file first to check it hasnt been done already !

Una trabajadora social visita una comunidad extremadamente pobre.

Al estar platicando con el jefe de una familia le llama la atención el grado tan extremo de pobreza, y lo grande que era esa familia. Contaban con 10 hijos y la esposa estaba embarazada del undécimo. Comentando con el patriarca lo difícil que era la vida diaria en la familia, el menor de los integrantes de la familia, un niño de escasos 4 años, le advierte al papá:

Papá, papá, se te están viendo los testículos.

El padre un poco sonrojado por la situación se disculpa con la trabajadora social, y ella le comenta, realmente me llama la atención el hecho de que su hijo se haya referido a sus órganos sexuales de esa manera

No señorita, no se trata de educación la forma de hablar de mi muchacho, lo que pasa es que si le digo que son huevos… se los come.

There was three guys walking down a street.

One was a Christian, the second was a Muslim and the third was a Hindu. They heard a startling noise as they turned around, they realized that there was a flood and it was coming right for them. So what do they do they start to pray.



The christian guy said, Jesus oh Father I need your help please save me.



So he was saved.



The Muslim guy started to pray, Oh Allah I need your help please save me.



So he was saved.



Then the hindu guy said ok they were saved and they only have one god, and I have soo many I will be saved faster than them.



So the Hindu guy prayed, Oh Mata Ji, and

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.

Why cant you be a non-conformist like everyone else?

In Tabers Cyclopedic Medical Dictionary (edition 15) on page 1451 begins an article entitled rape and sexual assault prevention Towards the end of the article is the following paragraph.

If forced to participate in oral sex, i.e., fellatio, and you feel your life is in danger, then a vigorous, quick, and forceful attempt to amputate the penis by biting could completely demotivate the rapist because of extreme pain. You should immediately flee at that time.

To me that last sentence seems a prime candidate for the under statement of the year award.

A representative for a condom company was on her way to an international condom convention. While rushing through the airport, she dropped her briefcase carrying her samples, scattering condoms across the floor. She noticed passersby looking at her as she tried to get the condoms back into her briefcase. Its okay, she said. Im going to a convention.

1981
1. Prince Charles gets married
2. Liverpool Champions league winner
3. Pope dies.2005
1. Prince Charles gets married
2. Liverpool Champions league winner
3. Pope dies.If Prince Charles gets married agan and és Liverpool wins Champions league in the same year … maybe it would be a good idea to notify the Pope …