Fitness Philosophy – JokesGalore Style!
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was
60. Shes 97 now & we dont know where the hell she is!
The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again.
I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Havent lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up?
I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what Im doing.
I dont exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
I dont jog…it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
This is strictly for the men… to try at home… on your wife..
Ok women… Delete now… Dont go any further..
Youll be embarrassed!
I warned you!!!
WARNING
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JOKE AHEAD
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MEN ONLY
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Go and find your wife…
Stand some distance from her…
Take you index finger (the one beside your thumb) and wiggle it for her to come to you…
When she gets close.. Put your mouth up to her ear…
… and whisper I just wanted to see if I could make you come with one finger!
(Ok… Pooh you cheated… I know you did!)
Posted in General / Unsorted |
One day a man was walking along the beach when he found a bottle, when he opened it up a genie poped out. The genie said he could have one wish. The man thought about it a while then told the man that he was afraid of heights and got sea sick, but really wanted to go to Hawaii so he asked the genie to make a highway to Hawaii.
I dont know said the genie, that is really difficult. Do you have another request?
Well, I really want to know all about women, you know, how they tick and why their the way they are!
The genie replied: Will that be two lanes or four?
Posted in Genie |
You dont know what a redneck is.
Youre still upset that they canceled The Dukes of Hazzard.
You thought ER was ETs cousin.
Posted in Redneck |
A blonde goes to the drugstore to pick up a box of condoms for her and her boyfriend.
The clerk rings them up, and asks for $1.06.
The blonde says I thought they were only a dollar.
The clerk says that the 6 cents is for the tax.
The blonde gets all wide eyed and says Oh, is that how you keep em on?!
Posted in Blonde |
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following;
Emma come first. Den I come.
Two asses, dey come together. I come again.
Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice.
Then I come once-a more.
You foul-mouthed swine, retorted the lady indignantly. In this country we dont talk about our sex lives in public!
Hey, coola down lady, said the man. Imma just tellun my friend howa ta spella Mississippi.
Posted in Naughty |
Batman y Robin se fueron a una fiesta de los Superamigos. A la hora de irse Batman le pide a Robin:
Robin, maneja el batimóvil porque yo estoy hecho mierda.
Robin, muy emocionado, comienza a manejar por primera vez el batimóvil. Le mete primera, segunda, tercera, cuarta, quinta y se va a toda velocidad. Llegan a la baticueva y Batman le dice:
Robin, dame un beso.
¿Qué pasa, Batman? ¿Se te ha subido la cerveza a la cabeza?
No te hagas el huevón, Robin. ¡Tú bien sabes que el batimóvil es automático y no tiene palanca de cambio!
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file.
Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse.My wife, the man replied. Im sorry, said Bill.What happened to her? My dog bit her and she died.
Bill then asked the man who was in the second hearse.The man replied, My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well. Bill thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, Can I borrow your dog?
To which the man replied, Get in line.
Posted in Animal |
I dont think, therefore I am not.
Posted in One Liners |
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is having a bad day?
A: When she has a tampon behind her ear and she cant find her pencil.
Posted in Blonde |