06
May

The dumb blonde and her used car!

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.

One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but its not legal.

That doesnt matter, replied the blonde, if I only can sell the car.

Okay, said the brunette. Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter on your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore.

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, Did you sell your car?

No, replied the blonde, why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!

06
May

If Jesus were born today

Child advocates would remove the child from the custody of his mother when they discovered she was shacking with a guy (not the childs father) in a barn. In most jurisdictions that would constitute child neglect.

Of course, Mary would have an underpaid court appointed attorney to represent her in the dependent-neglect proceeding, and Joseph would be out of luck once it was determined that paternity could not be established within a reasonable degree of medical certainty through blood or DNA testing (97% probability that Joe was the dad is sufficient, but absent divine intervention, that couldnt happen, hmmm?).

He would be excluded from juvenile court as a stranger to the proceeding and investigated for possible sexual deviance (all those oxen and asses around), and he would be told that he had no standing to object since he was not the natural father of the child and was not yet married to Mary (by their own admissions they had not yet consummated their union).

The Division of Children and Family Services would ask the court to order Mary to take parenting classes, and the Court would order that homemaker services be provided as well, since obviously Mary cant keep house properly (the place where the DHS workers found the child was kept remarkably like a barn).

Mary would be allowed to have one visit with Jesus per week at the Centers for Youth and Families. The visit would be one hour long, and supervised by a therapist since Jesus would no doubt be put in therapeutic foster care to prevent psychological damage resulting from the horrible lack of civilization to which he had been exposed at such a tender age.

At the eighteen month dispositional hearing, the court would consider terminating parental rights because of Marys refusal to bring a paternity suit against Jesus true biological father (or even to identify him to the satisfaction of the Court).

The Court would be appalled at the life choices Mary would have made: she would have completed her marriage to Joseph (that suspected sexual deviant) and had more children by him, which was obviously contrary to Jesus best interest.

Since Mary and Joseph had fled the jurisdiction with Jesus once to escape encounters with the authorities, they would determine that Mary and Joe had nefarious plans to abscond with the Ward of the State to Egypt again, where they would possibly engage in dangerous and illegal activities with him. Parental rights would be terminated, and Jesus would be put up for adoption.

He would be adopted by the Herods, a well-connected and politically powerful family, who have been searching for just such a child as Jesus.

Of course, Jesus will die in the custody of his adoptive family, because thats all they wanted him for in the first place. Social services will NOT have intervened prior to his death because the state social workers could never imagine someone as highly placed as the Herods exploiting children or torturing them to death.

The political ramifications for the Herods would have been too severe. In all likelihood, the social service agencies would cover up the death as one occurring from accident, and Herods good name will be preserved.

05
May

Mistaken Identity

A drunk guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, You dont feel so tough now, do you, Batman!?

05
May

Prostitute at bar

A man stops off at a bar after work to have a couple of drinks. He starts talking to this woman, and even though the guy is married, he thinks she is so fine that he agrees to go back to her place.

When he gets to her place, he finds out that she is a prostitute and that she wants $75.

Forget it, the man says, you never told me you were a prostitute. But I do have $10 on me, will you take that?

You wont get any decent prostitute for that, the hooker says. She throws the guy out.

Later that night, the man and his wife go out to dinner. While they are eating, the same prostitute who happens to also be eating there recognizes the guy.

She comes up to him and says, See, I told you. Look at the kind of trash youll pick up for $10.

05
May

An no haba comenzado la

05
May

Someone who thinks logically is

Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.

05
May

If someone has a mid-life

If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide & seek, does he
automatically lose because he cant find himself?

05
May

Women Rock

What do women and rocks have in common?

You skip the flat ones

05
May

Top ten online lies

10. Im in this private room consoling a depressed friend.9. Youre different…Ive never felt like this about someone Ive never met before.8. Im new online and havent had time to create a profile…but tell me more
about yourself.7. I never do cybersex!! Yet here in this room alone with you, well Im getting excited6. Yes of course Im female.5. No this is my only screen name….You mean you can have more then one?4. Im 54, blonde hair, blue eyes and guys love my body! Male version is Im 60, great tan,
and buffed from working out3. Im not like most of the guys here, I just want to meet so we can just have coffee and
get to know each other (at the hotel coffee shop)2. I dont care what you look like, its whats on the inside that counts (Which is true,
except it means Im horny and could care less, just type)1. Tonight my love…our souls have touched.

05
May

Whats the difference between a viola and a trampoline?

Q: Whats the difference between a viola and a trampoline?

A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.