24
May

Steal from this family

After shopping in a mall, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonights concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star.

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, Well, you still have your car. I have to put my kid through college somehow, dont I?

24
May

Q: How many alt.spam

Q: How many alt.spam readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One, if you buy our newest ACME Lightbulb screwer, for only $10, from XPOSTS R US, Velveeta, Ca, USA. Contact now!

24
May

Yo Mamas So Fat…

– Yo Mamas so fat, she couldnt fit in a satellite photo.

– Yo Mamas so fat, shes on both sides of the family.

– Yo Mamas so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.

– Yo Mamas so fat, when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washingtons nose

– Yo Mamas so fat, the telephone company gave her two area codes

– Yo Mamas so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs

– Yo Mamas so fat, when she goes to the beach, kids shout: Free Willy! free Willy!

– Yo Mamas so fat, shes got her own zip code

– Yo Mamas so fat, people jog around her for exercise

– Yo Mamas so fat, when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago…

– Yo Mamas so fat, if she weighed 5 more pounds, she could get group insurance.

– Yo Mamas so fat, she jumped in air and got stuck.

– Yo Mamas so fat, when she wears Maclom X shirt, helicopters land on her.

– Yo Mamas so fat, when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.

– Yo Mamas so fat, the highway patrol made her wear a Caution! Wide Turn sign.

– Yo Mamas so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house.

– Yo Mamas so fat, when she steps on a scale, it read One at a time, please.

– Yo Mamas so fat, I swerved to avoid her in the road and ran out of gas.

– Yo Mamas so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat in the rain, people run to her and yell Taxi!

– Yo Mamas so fat, she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.

– Yo Mamas so fat, she has to iron her pants on the driveway.

– Yo Mamas so fat, she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller.

– Yo Mamas so fat, when she tripped on 10th St., she landed on 22nd St..

– Yo Mamas so fat, when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up.

– Yo Mamas so fat, if she was a superhero, she would be incredible bulk.

– Yo Mamas so fat, a picture of her fell off the wall.

– Yo Mamas so fat, at the zoo the elephants started throwing her peanuts.

– Yo Mamas so fat, she stepped on rainbow and made Skittles

– Yo Mamas so fat, I guess we know whats eating Gilbert Grape.

– Yo mamas so fat, her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a milk dud.

– Yo mamas so fat, her blood type is Ragu.

– Yo mamas so fat, she wears a watch on each arm, one for each time zone.

– Yo mamas so fat, she stepped on a talking scale, and it said GET THE HELL OFF!!

– Yo mamas so fat, the shadow of her ass weighs 50 pounds

– Yo mamas so fat, she stepped on my cats tail, now I call him Beaver.

– Yo mamas so fat, when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas.

– Yo mamas so fat, when I climbed on top of her, I burned my ass on the light bulb.

– Yo mamas so fat, shes got more chins than a Chinese phone book.

– Yo mamas so fat, when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.

– Yo mamas so fat, I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.

– Yo mamas so fat, I ran around her twice, and got lost.

– Yo mamas so fat, instead of wearing Levis 501 jeans, she wears Levis 1002s.

– Yo mamas so fat, shes got more rolls than a bakery.

– Yo mamas so fat, she was floating in the ocean, and Spain claimed her as a new world.

– Yo mamas so fat, she could sell shade.

– Yo mamas so fat, that when God said Let there be Light, he told her to move her fat ass out of the way.

– Yo mamas so fat, when I finished having sex with her and tried to roll off, I was still on her.

– Yo mamas so fat, when I have sex with her, I have to slap her ass and ride the wave in.

– Yo mamas so fat, when she bends over, we go into daylight savings time.

– Yo mamas so fat, when she takes a shower, her feet dont get wet.

– Yo mamas so fat, she bumps into people when shes sitting down.

– Yo mamas so fat, when your father mounts her, his ears pop.

– Yo Mamas so fat, her butt has its own congressmen.

– Yo Mamas so fat, she needs a boomerang to wear a belt.

24
May

Question and answer blonde joke

Q: What do you see when you look into a blondes eyes?
A: The back of her head.

24
May

What does a Jewish American

What does a Jewish American Princess make for dinner?

Reservations.

24
May

Men And Beer Bottles

What do men and beer bottles have in common?

They are both empty from the neck up.

24
May

Obis Son

If Obi Wan Had a Son, of what name would he bear it?



Obi Tu

24
May

Top-10 absolutely, positively ridiculous host names

And, yes, they all really exist…

dam.mit.edu
monarch.butterfly.net
gratuitouslylonghostname.apana.org.au
drag.net
my-hostname-is-longer-than-yours.mit.edu
tragically.hip.berkeley.edu
dislocated.hip.berkeley.edu
ohsaycan.ucc.american.edu
huh_huh.fire.com
vo.mit.edu

24
May

Neil Brown (without typo)

Heard this from a friend of a friend…

A guy walks into a bar and walks up to the bartender, slams his fist down on
the bar and says, Im Neil Brown. Im six foot four, three hundred pounds. I
have a fourteen inch cock, and I want a beer! Hearing this, the bartender
faints dead away.

Some people in the bar run to help the bartender. As he is
being revived, he looks up at Neil and says, What did you say? Once again
the man exclaims, Im Neil Brown. Im six foot four, three hundred
pounds. I have a fourteen inch cock, and I want a beer! The bartender then
stands, looking much relieved and says, Oh, Im sorry, I thought you said
kneel down.

23
May

Knock Knock Whos there? Butch! Butch who? Butch your

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Butch!
Butch who?
Butch your arms around me!