Old and New Jokes

Well, a couple months back there was this trial in the West Virginia courts. A man was being tried for fornicating with a sheep, since thats illegal an all.

Anyway, the key witness was an old fella who was walking along the highway by the farm where the sheep was raised. The prosecutor asked the witness what he saw: Well, I was walkin along, and saw this sheep justa eatin grass. And then this fella walks up from behind the sheep, real quiet-like.

And then what? asked the prosecutor.

Then he unbuckled his belt, and pulled the sheep close.

And what happened after that?

Well, said the witness, they sorta shook for a couple of minutes. THEN, afterwards, the sheep turned around… an licked him!

Just then one of the members of the jury leaned over to the jury member next to him and said, You know… a good sheepll do that.

Rainy WWW

This is an item from this mornings paper.

When a video jammed in his VCR, Jessop Smith went to a Wilton Manors electronics store for help. When fixing his VCR, the workers there saw what was in the jammed tape and reported it to the police.

Police brought in a pediatrician who certified the female children in the video to be under 18 years of age.

Next day cops posing as store clerks greeted Jessop and followed him to his home at 1232 NE 26th St., where a child porno was playing on a big screen TV.

Now Mr. Smith is in jam instead of his VCR.

One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.



She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, Why are some of your hairs white, mom?



Her mother replied, Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.



The little girl thought about this revelation for a while, and then said, Momma, how come *all* of grandmas hairs are white?

A new neigbour arrives. The kids meet.

The local kid:

My mom was born in California!

Where was your mom born?

The other kid answers, Alaska.

The first one replies:

Gee, then dont worry about it… Ill asker myself!

Q: How many alt.music.pink-floyd readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 51. One to screw in the bulb, one to notice some small detail of the bulb-screwing and tie it into the Publius Enigma, 15 more to expand on his point, 12 to flame him, 10 to argue that youre not really screwing in a light bulb, that only Roger Waters can screw in a light bulb, 8 more to say that Dave Gilmour can screw in a light bulb better than Roger ever could, two to say that the best way to screw in a bulb is if Dave and Roger do it together, one to say that Syd Barrett is actually the best bulb-screwer, and of course one newbie to ask what Publius is, who will be subsequently referred to the FAQ, which he will then ask where to find.

A moose walks into a bar, and the bartender asks him, Why the long face, buddy?

The moose says, Youd have a long face too if you had sex only once a year!

Entra un tipo cayéndose de borracho a una cantina repleta de gente y de entrada dice: ¡Todos son unos hijos de puta!

Todos se quedan callados hasta que se levanta un negro de 2.10 m. de alto y le da una golpiza al borracho que lo deja tirado en el suelo. Al día siguiente se repite la historia, entra el borracho a la cantina y grita ¡Todos son unos hijos de puta!

El negro se vuelve a levantar y lo pone peor que el día anterior.

Al tercer día entra a la cantina y grita ¡Todos son unos hijos de puta, menos el negro!

El negro dice ¡A mí nadie me discrimina!, y le vuelve a dar soberbia paliza al borrachín.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Freddie!
Freddie who?
Freddie or not here I come!

Because he worked for a special branch.

If you were to sweep me off my feet…….you would have to be a broom.