A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of $600 dollars and goes to Texas to buy a bull. She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her a bull.
Its the only one I got for $599, take it or leave it.
She buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office and says, Id like to send a telegram to my friend in Louisiana that says: Have found the stud bull for our ranch, bring the trailer.
The man behind the counter tells her, Telegrams to anywhere in the U.S. are $. 75 per word.
She thinks about it for a moment and decides. Id like to send one word, please.
And what word would that be? inquires the man.
Comfortable, replies the brunette.
The man asks, Im sorry miss, but is your friend gonna understand this telegram?
The brunette replies, My friend is blonde and reads REAL slow, when she gets this, she will see COM-FOR-DA-BULL.
How many Ruwandons does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
None, there is no electricity in Ruwanda
Q: What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125?
A: A foursome.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a black leather jacket?
A. A rebel without a clue!
Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last years hide and seek champ.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blondes head?
A: A space invader.
Q: What do you call a really smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever.
Q: What does a blonde say during a porno?
A: There I am!!
Q: What does the postcard from a blondes vacation say?
A: Having a wonderful time. Where am I?
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.
When ladies engage in thrust and counterthrust, verbal that is, the pointed barbs may be more delicate but they are no less deadly.
Most of her adversaries learned that it was dangerous to challenge Dorothy Parker, but there were many foolhearty ones who tried. On one occasion Miss Parker and Clara Booth Luce met in front of a revolving door. The poetic Miss Parker, who was both in a daze and in a hurry, entered first.
After you, my dear, purred Mrs. Luce, age before beauty, you know
Yes, replied Miss Parker, and pearls before swine.
A couple of weeks ago, I heard a radio commercial that said:
What would it be like to lose an entire hemisphere of your brain? Tune in to
the Discovery Channel and find out!
At last, they admit it.
- Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
- You wake up face down on the pavement.
- You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
- You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
- You see a 60 Minutes news team waiting in your outer office.
- Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
- Your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business. (how OLD this 1 is? *g* )
- You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party, and there arent any.
- You turn on the TV news and theyre displaying emergency routes out of your city.
- The woman youve been seeing on the side begins to look like your wife.
- You wake up to discover that your water bed broke and then you realize that you dont have a water bed.
- Your horn goes off accidently and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hells Angels on the freeway.
- You get a rejection notice from the HUMOR Listserver saying that youre no longer funny.
- Your doctor tells you, Well, I have bad news and good news…
- You open the paper and find your picture under a caption that reads: WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE!
- Your ex-lover calls and tells you he has 6 days to live, and that youd better get the Test.
- You wake up at work naked in front of your co-workers.
- When someone accuses you of faking humor.
- Your lover tells you, Im sub-letting another apartment and the movers are here to move me.
- You have an appointment in 10 minutes and you just woke up.
- You need your chocoholic fix and the government just banned chocolate … AGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!
Q: What do you get when an army officer puts his nose to the grindstone?
A: A sharp major.
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?
The first man approached him and said, Sir, I dont wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than Ive ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, My wifes first husband.
Un tÃo va a casa de un amigo y ve que hay un cerdo zascandileando por ahà y le dice al tÃo:
Pero bueno, cómo que estas viviendo con un cerdo…
El otro le responde: Pues ya ves, es cuestión de organizarse.
Y vuelve a preguntar: Pero, pero… ¿cómo puedes vivir con un animal asà de guarro, que no se lava en toda su vida y lo único que hace es oler a mierda?
Y le responde el amigo: Uno se acostumbra…
Le interrumpe el otro: ¡No, no, pero si le decia al cerdo!