From the Booth News Service, December 22, 1988:
Flint, Mich.–Maybe its just because hes an amateur. Or maybe he
harbored a Freudian wish to be caught.
Whatever the reason, police had little trouble tracing a man who
allegedly held up a service station in Flint Township over the weekend. The
robber fled with $70, wearing a high school varsity jacket with his name on
the back. The suspect, 24, was to have been arraigned Monday.
Famous interpretations of Why did the Chicken cross the road?
Bill Clinton:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please…
Louis Farrakhan:
The road, you will see, represents the black man.
The chicken crossed the black man in order to trample him down!
Colonel Sanders:
I missed one?
L.A Poliece Department:
Give us five minutes with the chicken, and well find out.
Jerry Falwell:
Because the chicken was gay! isnt it obvious? Cant you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the other side. thats what they call it: the other side. Yes, my friends the chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too!
Ronald Regan:
What Chicken?
Saddam Hussein:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion, and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it!
ROBERT DE NIRO: Are you telling me the chicken crossed that road? Is that what youre telling me?
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Marting Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens, be they black or white or brown or red or speckled, will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Grandpa: In my day, we didnt ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe its true?
Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. How do you feel about your mother?
Bill Gates: We have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs (only in the proprietary brown_ms.egg format), file your important documents, and balance your chequebook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
The CIA: Who told you about the chicken? Did you see the chicken? There was no chicken. Please step into the car, sir.
Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken.
Speech Recognition Software Demo
At a recent Sacramento PC Users Group meeting, a company was demonstrating its latest speech-recognition software. A representative from the company was just about ready to start the demonstration and asked everyone in the room to quiet down.
Just then someone in the back of the room yelled,
Format C: Return.
Someone else chimed in:
Yes, Return
Unfortunately, the software worked…
A mercenary preacher was traveling back from a mission of peace through the jungle when all of a sudden he realized that a lion was behind him. He tried to run, but knowing that he could not outrun the lion, dropped down and started to pray.
Unexpectedly, everything became quiet and when he looked, the lion was praying also.
The priest said to the lion, I didnt know lions prayed.
The lion replied, You are praying. Im saying grace before I gobble you up!
The Clinton Health Plan has the:
1. Simplicity of the IRS.
2. Results of rent control.
3. Efficiency of the Post Office.
4. The fringe benefits of higher taxes
5. Management success of national debt.
6. Bureaucracy of the Dept. of Agriculture.
7. Dependency of a weather forecaster.
He was a mediocre conductor of a mediocre orchestra. He had been having problems with the basses; they were the least professional of his musicians. It was the last performance of the season, Beethoven’s 9th Symphony, which required extra effort from the basses at the end. Earlier that evening, he found the basses celebrating one of their birthdays by passing a bottle around. As he was about to cue the basses, he knocked over his music stand. The sheet music scattered. As he stood in front of his orchestra, his worst fear was realized; it was the bottom of the 9th, no score and the basses were loaded.
Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: (Gary Hart) This oblique reference to screwing is an obvious attempt to drag my personal life into this campaign. Frankly, I resent it, and the American people resent it.
DÃa domingo, en la tarde. Llega un cadete de la Escuela Militar a confesarse:
Me acuso, padre, de haberle acariciado las tetitas a una amiguita.
Pues bien, 2 padrenuestros de penitencia.
Llega un cadete de la Escuela de Aviación:
Me acuso, padre, de haberle mamado las tetitas a una amiguita.
Pues bien, 2 credos de penitencia.
Llega un cadete de la Escuela Naval a confesarse:
Me acuso, padre, de haberle mamado las tetitas y el chocho a una amiguita.
Pues bien, 2 credos y 2 avemarÃas de penitencia.
Llega un seminarista a confesarse:
Me acuso, padre, de haberle echado un polvo a una amiguita.
Y el cura sale del confesionario y grita: ¡Tres ras por el seminario, ras, ras ras!
The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand.
One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, Sir, if you dont stop poking me with your thing, Im going to the cops!
I dont know what youre talking about miss – thats just my pay check in my pocket.
Oh really she spat. then you must have some job, because thats the fifth raise youve had in the last half hour.
A badger walks into a bar and says, Wheres the bar tender?