you so poor i came in your house and ask to use the bath room and you siad, the second bucket to the right!
14
May
14
May
What are the two main ingredients in Viagra?
Fix-A-Flat and Miracle Grow.
14
May
There were three pigs.
The first pig went to a bar ordered a drink and gulped it down and went to the bathroom and then left.
The second pig went to the same bar ordered a drink and gulped it down and went to the bathroom and then left.
The third pig went to the same bar ordered a drink and gulped it down and was just going to leave and the bartender asked if he was going to the bathroom and the third little pig said No Im the little pig that goes weee weee weee all the way home
14
May
Very Short Books…
1) Outdoor activities in Chernobyl
2) Hot Scenic Real-estate opportunities on top of Mt St. Helens
3) Investment opportunities in worm futures for the deceased
4) Ballerina lessons for men with size 13 or larger feet
5) Defensive Driving tips for the Blind
6) Contraceptive tips for Nuns
7) Delicious Beef Recipes for Hindus
8) Mutual Fund Investment strategies for compulsive gamblers
9) Cooking with Pork Fat for Vegetarians
10) GreenPeace Guide for Buying Quality Baby Seal coats
11) GreenPeace Guide to Preparing Fast & Easy Whale Dishes
12) Jewish and Arab Friendship Customs
13) Human Rights organizations in Libya
14) Democracy Debate clubs in Cuba
15) Applying for Tibetan Vendors Permits
16) Applying for Flight Clearance over The White House
17) Guide to Redneck Gay Bars
18) Guide to NeoNazis Jewish Friendship Centers
19) Famous Native American Judges, Senators and Presidents
20) Famous Black Canadian Hockey Players
21) Famous Hillbilly Physics
22) Guide to apply for Pan Handling Permit in Singapore
23) Street guide to most original graffiti in Singapore
24) Country Singers who have appeared at Carnegie Hall
25) Sports Illustrateds Gay Mens Swimsuit Edition
26) How to start you own part time Hospital from home
27) Guide to Gay NBA, NFL, AFL & NHL Teams
28) E-mail address directory for the homeless
29) All Night Libyan Moshe pits
30) List of Fine Wines from Iran
13
May
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Four, plus one senior analyst to manage the project, one technical writer to correct the spelling and grammar of the one who documented it, one lightbulb librarian, a sales-force of at least five to drum up enough users who want to turn the light on, 274 users to burn out the new bulb, at which point we go to tender for another light bulb change,…
13
May
You might be a redneck if…
If you are 20 and you can still go in McDonalds playhouse.
If you think Purina is some kind of Ex-Lax.
Youve ever given a set of Tupperware ice tea glasses as a wedding present.
Your dungarees expose more than half of your crack in the back because the weight of your pocket knife.
Your idea of heaven involves two shotguns and a keg of beer.
You picket your horses on your lawn so you wont have to mow it.
Youre wearing a camoflauge jacket and dipping in your drivers license pic.
You stop to flirt with the person running the drive through at McDonalds.
You save old kitchen appliances for target practice.
You save old kitchen appliances for childrens Christmas presents.
You get up EARLY on Saturday to go yard sale shopping for entertainment.
Your gun cabinet takes up half your living room.
Anytime your kids see a dog they get out their ropes and lasso it and tackle it to the ground.
Your master bathroom has the words porta and potty written on the side.
You cant take a bath in the winter cause the stream is frozen.
You only bathe when it rains.
You think Dueling Banjos is classical music.
You refer to the Surgeon Generals Warning on a pack of cigarettes as your medical encyclopedia.
You go to garage sales to shop for Christmas gifts.
Youre 42 and still have clowns come to your birthday party.
You think possum is the other white meat.
13
May
Your mom is so fat, I can get morning exercise by running around here!
13
May
Backup – What you do when you run across a varmint in the woods.
Bug – The reason you give for calling in sick to work.
Byte – What your pitbull done to cousin Billy-Bob.
Chip – Cow pasture surprises that you try not to step in.
Terminal – When yer about to die.
Crash – When you go to Jethros party uninvited.
Digital – The art of counting on yer fingers.
Diskette – Female who dances the disco.
Fax – What you lie about to the IRS and yer wife.
Hacker – Uncle Willie after 32 years of smoking.
Hardcopy – Picture used to help you select a tattoos.
Internet – Where cafeteria ladies put their hair.
Keyboard – Where you hang the keys to yer John Deere.
Mac – Big Johns favorite fast food.
Megahertz – How your head feels after 13 beers.
Modem – What you do when the grass gets so high that it hides the pickup truck that you have on blocks in the front yard.
Mouse Pad – Where Mickey and Minnie call home.
Network – Scoopin a big fish before it breaks yer line.
ROM – Where the pope lives.
Screen – Keeps mosquitoes outta yer trailer.
Serial Port – A red wine you drink with yer breakfast.
Superconductor – The guy who yells All Aboard the loudest at a train station.
SCSI (pronounced scuzzi) – What you call your two-week-old underwear.
13
May
Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
13
May
A Jamaican guy gets stranded on a deserted island when he finds a lamp washed up on the beach. Remembering the tale of Aladdin he rubbed it, and POOF! A Genie appeared, a Jewish Genie.
Oy Vey!, exclaimed the Genie, Am I glad to be to there. Tree hundred years I been in that thing, my life and soul! What can I do for you my boy?
The Jamaican asked the Genie if he granted wishes.
Wishes, schmishes! Course I do. Ill grant you two wishes, used to be three but I gotta think about my margins.
Well, said the Jamaican after some consideration, Id like to be white and surrounded by women.
No problem, said the Genie, and with a wave of his hand the Jamaican was transformed into a tampon.
MORAL : Never do business with a Jewish Genie. Theres always a string attached.