Whats a blondes mating call?
I think Im drunk.
Why was the blonde looking in the refrigerator?
Because The orange juice said concentrate
What do you call 2 blondes in the front seat of a car?
Duel air bags!
How did the blonde rob the drive-up window at the bank?
She put her gun in the little basket along with a note that said This is a stick-up
How many blondes does it take to make popcorn?
Four. One to hold the pan, and three to shake the stove
Why did the blonde jump over the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
How can you tell when a Blonde sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.
What do you call a beautiful blond Mensa member?
Foxymoron.
What goes Vroom-Screech Vroom-Schreech?
A blond at a flashing red light
What does a blonde and a turtle have in common?
Once you get them on their back theyre screwed…..
What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell shes got a grenade in her mouth.
Whats the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
I know how many men went down on the Titanic
Whats the first thing a blonde says after sex?
Was it good for me?
Whats the first thing a Blonde says the morning after sex?
Are you guys all on the same team?
What the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
You dont let your friends borrow your toothbrush.
What do you call a blonde whos found dead in a closet?
The 1989 Hide and Seek Champion.
How do you get a blonde to go on the roof?
tell her the drinks are on the house
Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
cause red means stop
what does the blonde do when she sees her reflection in a mirror?
starts a conversation!
It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her daddys advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in the snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it.
As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions. After quite some time had passed she was somewhat surprise when the snow plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time.
She said that she was fine and told him of her daddys advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard. The driver replied that it was OK with him and she could continue if she wanted but he was done with the WalMart parking lot and was going over to K-Mart next.
Your mama is SO STUPID, she tried to DROWN a FISH!!
Your mam is SO POOR, I went outside to use an outhouse and she said,Hey, get outta my home!
Your mama is SO STUPID, when she took an IQ test in school, it came back saying SORRY; IQ TOO LOW TO REGISTER.
Top 10 Reasons For Being Indian
Large choice of languages
Fleshy actresses
Taj Mahal
Chicken Tikka Massala
Can model volatility and money at risk in 7 computer languages
Can communicate chiefly with head movements
A Patel is never lonely in the phone book
Kapil Dev
Keep saying please meaning it
6 spicy papadums, pickles and a Kingfisher
After much arguing and deliberation, historians this week have come up with a phrase to describe the Clinton Administration. It will be called Sex Between The Bushes.
The Center for Disease Control in Atlanta announced Clinton has proven that you CAN get sex from Aides.
Gennifer Flowers was asked if her relationship with Clinton was anything like Monica Lewinskis. She replied, Close, but no cigar.
The FBI has coined a technical term for the stains found on Monicas dress. They call it Presidue.
Clinton now recruits interns from only four colleges: Moorhead, Oral Roberts, Ball State, and Bringam Young.
Clinton had asked to change the Democratic seal from a donkey to a condom. It represents inflation, halts production and gives you a false sense of security while youre being screwed.
Washington has come up with a solution for the Clinton situation by adding an 11th commandment, Thou shalt not put thy rod in thy staff.
A married man decided to work late to be with his sexy secretary, so he called his wife to make up an excuse.
After work he invited his secretary to dinner. It soon became obvious that he was going to get lucky, so the two went back to her apartment and had great sex for two hours.
Afterward the fellow went to the bathroom to straighten up for the trip home and noticed a huge hickey on his neck.
He panicked, wondering what he was going to tell his wife.
After the man unlocked his front door, his dog came bounding to greet him. Aha, the man thought, and promptly fell to the carpet, pretending to fight off the affectionate animal.
Holding his neck with one hand, he said, Honey, look what the dog did to my neck!
Hell, thats nothing she answered, ripping open her blouse.
Look what he did to my tits!
A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says, You know, Im not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?
The big guy nods slowly. Hes obviously fielded this question many times.
One day, he begins, I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog sitting next to a stream. So I picked up the frog and it said, Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes.
So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman. She said, You now have 3 wishes.
I looked down at my scrawny 115-pound body and said, I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger. She nodded, whispered a spell, and POOF! There I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked! She then asked, What will be your second wish?
I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream. She nodded, lay down, and beckoned to me. We then made love for hours! Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?
I looked at her and replied, How about a little head?
When is the best time to fake an orgasm?
When a rotteweiler is f**king your leg.
A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head. "I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation.""Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on."The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again."What was that for?" he complained."Your dog called last night."
Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says, Next.
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
A5: Hes had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.