Wilfred had just learned his abcs and was very scared of doing them in front of the class. The teacher, though, told him that the best way to conquer his fears would be to just go ahead and do it. So, trembling, he stood in front of the class and began."ABCDEFGHIJLKMNOQRSTUVWXYZ.""Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Wheres the P?"Its running down my leg."

Q) What do you do if an Irishman throws a grenade at you ?

A) Take the pin out and throw it back at him.

Q) What if he removes the pin from the grenade.

A) Run before he throws the pin at you.

Q) How do you burn an Irishmans face?

A) Ring him up while he is ironing his clothes? (Hello!)

Brad, these jokes are in good humor, and should not be interpreted to
be in bad taste against the Irish.

Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When Bill sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddams chair.



They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Clinton in the face.



Confused, Clinton carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Clinton carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries.



But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the privates, hes finally had enough, knowing that he cant do much without them functioning well.

Im going back home! he tells the Iraqi. Well finish these talks in two weeks!



A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Clintons chair and prepares himself for the Yanks revenge.



They begin talking and Bill presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. Clinton snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Clinton roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Clinton falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.



Forget this, says Saddam. Im going back to Baghdad!

Clinton says through tears of laughter, What Baghdad?

There was a loser who couldnt get a date. He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date.

The guy said, Its simple. I just say, Im a lawyer.

So, the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said no, he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning. She said, Oh! Youre a lawyer?

He said, Why yes I am!

She liked the idea and they went to his place. When they were in bed making love, he started to laugh to himself.

When she asked what was so funny, he answered, Well, Ive only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and Im already screwing someone!

Heres one from the Emergency nurses association:

Be an organ donor … Unbuckle!

A guy walks into a local pharmacy and walks up to the counter where a lady pharmacist is filling prescriptions. When she finally gets around to helping him he says, Id like 99 condoms please.

With a surprised look on her face the pharmacist says, 99 Condoms!?! Fuck me!

To which the guy replies, Make it

100.

Dating children.

Chemistry Wonderland

Gases explode, are you listenin
In your rest tube, silver glistens
A beautiful sight, were happy tonight
Walking in a chemistry wonderland.

Gone away, is the buoyancy
Here to stay, is the density
A beautiful sight, were happy tonight
Walking in a chemistry wonderland.

In the beaker we will make lead carbonate
and decide if whats left is nitrate
My partner asks Do we measure it in moles or grams?
and Ill say, Does it matter in the end?

Later on, as we calculate
the amount, of our nitrate
Well face unafraid, the precipitates that we made
walking in a chemistry wonderland.

An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldnt get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, I pushed and pushed on the foot pedal and nothing happens. The foot pedal turned out to be the computers mouse.

¡Lobo, qué orejas más coloradotas tienes!

Sí…

¡Lobo, qué cara más roja tienes!

Sí…

¡Lobo, qué hinchadas tienes las venas del cuello!

Sí…

¡Lobo, qué apretados tienes los dientes!

Caperucita, ¿me quieres dejar cagar en paz?