Old and New Jokes

Q: Why couldnt the blonde write the number eleven?
A: She didnt know what number came first.

Beer. If you cant taste it, why bother!

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hells Angels bikers
walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old
mans pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old
man, spat into the old mans milk and then he too took a seat at the counter.
The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old mans plate, and then he
took a seat at the counter.

Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly
thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, Humph, not much of a man,
was he?

The waitress replied, Not much of a truck driver either, he just backed his
big-rig over three motorcycles.

What do you call foreplay in Alabama?
Hey sis, you awake?

How do you confuse a dumb blonde?
Tell her to pee in the corner of a round house.
How does she confuse you?
She comes out and says shes done!

Did you know that Bill Clinton is considering changing the Democratic seal from a donkey to a condom? Thats because it represents inflation, halts production, and gives you a false sense of security while youre being screwed.

Theres a new big band in Canada … their big hit is Take the train, eh?

One night a Blond Nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.

My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish.

Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways.

There must be something you would have of me, said God.

Well, there is one thing, she said.

Just name it, said God.

Its those blond jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop.

Consider it done, said God. Blond jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans.

But surely there is something that I could do just for you.

There is one thing. But its really small, and not worth your time, said the nun.

Name it. Please, said God.

Its the M&Ms, said the nun. Theyre so hard to peel!

A boy came home from school one day. His father asked him how his day was and the boy said, Well Dad, I looked stupid because I did not know the difference between potential and reality.

His dad says, Well son, go ask your mother if she would sleep with our next door neighbor for a million dollars.

He came back with a shocked look on his face and said, Dad, she said, Yes!.

OK son, now go and ask your sister the same question.

A few minutes later he came back, shocked again. Dad, she said, Yes! also!

His dad told him, There you go.

His son looked at him, puzzled. Dad I still dont understand.

Look son, POTENTIALLY we are multi-millionaires, but in REALITY we are dead broke and living with a couple of whores.

Un Doctor acababa de tener una larga sesión de sexo con uno de sus pacientes. Mientras descansaba comenzó a sentirse un poco culpable, pues pensaba que lo que hacía no era ético. En eso un pequeño demonio apareció sobre uno de sus hombros y le dijo: Tranquilo, muchos doctores tienen sexo con sus pacientes; ya ves, tú no eres ni el primero ni el último.

Esto hizo sentir al doctor un poco mejor, hasta que otro demonio apareció en su hombro y dijo: Sí, idiota, pero los otros doctores no son veterinarios.