A man goes hunting, sees a deer, and kills it. He takes ithome for his family to eat. His little girl asks, dady, what are we havving for dinner tonight?. The man replied, ill give you a clue, its something that mummy calls daddy sometimes. The little girl screamed and said Dont eat it its a fucking asshole!!
31
May
31
May
(Q)HOW DO YOU STARVE A BLACK GUY?
(A)PUT HIS FOOD STAMPS UNDER HIS WORK BOOTS.
31
May
A four-year-old boy and his father went to the beach. There was a dead seagull lying on the sand. The boy asked his father, Dad, what happened to the birdie?
His dad told him, Son, the bird died and went to heaven.
Then the boy asked, Did God throw him back down?
31
May
Mr. Starr:
I am Starr, Star I are.
Im a brilliant barri-star.
Im here to ask, as youll soon see,
Did you grope Miss Lew-in-ski?
Did you grope her in your house?
Did you grope beneath her blouse?
Did she give you gifts and ties?
Were you spied by prying eyes?
Mr. Clinton:
I did not do that here or there!
I did not do that anywhere!
I did not do that in a chair!
I went not near her giant hair!
I did not join — even for fun —
The Mile High Club in Air Force One.
So stow your feathers and your tar.
I did not do her, Starr you are!
Mr. Starr:
Did you smile? Did you flirt?
Did you peek beneath her skirt?
And did you tell the girl to lie
When called upon to testify?
Mr. Clinton:
That is it; youve gone too far!
I do not like you, Starr you are!
I will not answer any more;
In fact, I think Ill start a war!
The publics easy to distract,
When bombs are falling on Iraq!
Mr. Starr:
Mr. President, confess, did you make a sticky mess?
A mess on Miss Lewinskis dress?
A mess she holds so near and dear
She saved it as a souvenir?
And may I take a cell or two from you
And prove that one and one makes two?
Mr. Clinton:
I do not like this, Starr you are,
And I admit you went too far
And I did things with sweet Miss L.
Too inappropriate to tell.
A valiant battle we have fought,
Apologies are what you sought,
Im very sorry I got caught!
31
May
A policeman directing traffic at a busy city intersection one afternoon observed a blind man with his seeing-eye dog waiting to cross the street.
All of a sudden, the policeman was aghast at the sight of the seeing-eye dog bolting out into the street in front of heavy traffic at one of the busiest intersections in the whole city, dragging the blind man along with the dogs leash in the blind mans hands while cars were trying to stop,screeching their brakes and swerving to avoid a fatal accident.The policeman was absolutely horrified, but could do nothing to assist. To the immediate relief of the horrified police officer, the blind man and his dog somehow made it across the street without suffering any harm to themselves whatsoever.It was a miracle!
The police officer, still in shock, observed the blind man, upon reaching the corner sidewalk after having nearly been killed crossing the street, reach into his pocket and pull out a cookie and offer it to his seeing-eye dog.
The officer ran to the blind man and said to him in a loud distraught tone, “Dont you realize that you could have been killed by your dog dragging you out into a busy street in front of heavy traffic like that? And NOW youre going toreward him?”
The blind man hesitated a moment, then he said to the policeman, “Why, no sir! Im just trying to find out where his head is so I can kick hisass!"
30
May
Mido aproximadamente 7 pulgadas. Mi funcionamiento lo disfrutan miembros de ambos sexos. Usualmente me encuentro colgando suelto y listo para la acción.
Tengo un montón de pelos en un extremo y un pequeño orificio en el otro. Cuando estoy en uso soy insertado, casi siempre de buena gana, algunas veces lentamente y otras rápido dentro de una abertura tibia, carnosa y húmeda. Ahà me encuentro entrando una y otra vez, rápidamente, muchas veces, acompañado de movimientos corporales. Cualquiera que esté escuchando seguramente reconocerá el rÃtmico sonido de los bien lubricados movimientos.
Cuando finalmente salgo, dejo una substancia blancuzca, jugosa, espumosa y pegajosa, la cual requerirá de limpieza de las superficies exteriores de la abertura y también de mi larga anatomÃa.
Después de que todo ha terminado, regreso a mi libre estado de descanso, listo para otro poco de acción.
Si me va bien, volveré a ese maravilloso estado de clÃmax dos o tres veces por dÃa, pero, por supuesto, casi siempre es mucho menos que eso.
¿Quién soy?
EL CEPILLO DE DIENTES
¿En qué estaban pensando?
30
May
Un policÃa se encuentra en una esquina cumpliendo su horario de vigilancia, cuando se le acerca un niño:
Por favor, señor policÃa, ¿podrÃa usted decirme la hora?
Claro, jovencito, son las once menos diez minutos, responde el oficial.
¡Bien, cuando sean las once chúpame el pito! responde el niño y sale disparando.
El agente comienza a perseguirlo; cuando llega a la siguiente esquina otro policÃa lo para y le pregunta que por qué tanto apuro. Entonces, el perseguidor le cuenta lo ocurrido.
¿Y por qué te apuras tanto, si aún faltan cinco minutos para las once?
30
May
What is greater than God,
More evil than the devil?
The poor have it,
The rich need it,
And if you eat it, you die?
Answer: Nothing!
30
May
Banta comes to Australia and goes to Woolworthss (Ubiquitious grocery store in Australia). He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out.
The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks Santa to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food. Banta goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.
Next week Banta finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of dog food and goes to check out. The Manager again gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy has a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will probably feed dog-food to his kids. He asks Santa to bring and show him the dog before he can let him have dog food. Banta goes home and returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.
Next week Banta comes to Woolworths with a bag. He asks the manager to put his hand in the bag. The Manager puts his hand in the bag and immediately takes it out. He shouts at Banta: What! This is shit! Banta calmly replies: Yes, and I want toilet paper
30
May
Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex?
A: Kick open the car door.