The Snow White Ad!

Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs are roaming in the forest when they come across a lake. The water was enticing and Snow White decides to take a bath. So she tells the Dwarfs to turn around while she is taking a bath in the lake.

The Dwarfs protest vehemently because they want to take a bath too.

Snow White relents and says When I get into the water and you hear the splash, you can turn around.

Snow White undresses and as she is about to jump into water, at that very moment, she is startled by a frog who jumps into water before she can.

The moment the Dwarfs hear the SPLASH, they turn around and see Snow White standing NAKED.

Now, given that this incident is an idea for a TV ad, what product is being advertised?

Scroll down for the answer.

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Come on now, this should be easy for a person of your mental powers!

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The product being advertised is…

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SEVEN UP!

A man is driving down

Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

A man is driving down a country road when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?The farmer replies, Im trying to win a Nobel Prize. How? asks the man, puzzled.Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field!

Bar Room Translations

Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

You get this one, next round is on me.

(We wont be here long enough to get another round.)
Ill get this one, next one is on you.

(Happy hour is about to end…drafts are now a dollar, but by the next round theyll be $4.50 a pop.)
Hey, where is that friend of yours?

(I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.)
Can I get a glass of white zinfandel. (female)

(Im easy.)
Can I get a glass of white zinfandel. (male)

(Im gay.)
Ever try a body shot? (male to female)

(I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.)
Ever try a body shot? (female to male)

(If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what Ill do to you on the ride home?)
I dont feel well, lets go home. (female)

(You are paying more attention to your friends than me.)
I dont feel well, lets go home. (male)

(Im horny.)
Whos got the next round?

(I havent bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.)
Excuse Me. (male to male)

(Get the hell out of the way.)
Excuse Me. (male to female)

(I am going to grope you now.)
Excuse Me. (female to male)

(Dont even think about groping me, just get the hell out of the way.)
Excuse Me. (female to female)

(Move your fat ass. Who do you think you are anyway? You are not all that, missy, and dont think for one minute that you are. Coming in here dressing like a ho… Get your eyes off of my man, or Ill slap you, bitch, like the slut you are.)
What do you have on tap?

(Whats cheap?)
Can I have a white Russian? (male)

(Im *really* gay.)
Can I have a white Russian? (female)

(Im *really* easy.)
That person looks really familiar.

(Did I sleep with him/her?)
Can I just get a glass of water? (female)

(Im annoying, but cute enough to get away with this.)
I dont have my ID on me. (female)

(Im 19.)
I dont have my ID on me. (male)

(I dont have a license since I got pulled over and blew a 0.4 after my last visit here)

http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/bs16

http://members.xoom.com/bs16/

What do Pink Floyd and Dale Earnhardt have in common?

Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

Their last big hit was the wall!

Clinton one-liner

Poza publicata in [ Political ]

Bill Clintons 11th Commandment: Thou shalt not commit thyself!

Q: How many kindergarden

Poza publicata in [ Lightbulb ]

Q: How many kindergarden kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, two, three… Mummy! can I use my toes?

Q: How many junkies

Poza publicata in [ Lightbulb ]

Q: How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Oh wow, is it like dark, man?

He shouldnt have asked!

Poza publicata in [ Military ]

MR. SMITH got himself a new secretary.

She was young, sweet and pretty.

One day, while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open.



When leaving the room she said, Oh, Mr. Smith, did you know your barracks door is open?



He did not understand her remark, but later he happened to look down and saw his zipper was open.



He decided to have some fun with his new secretary. Calling her in he asked, By the way Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open did you also see a soldier standing at attention?



The secretary who was quite witty said, Why no Mr. Smith.

All I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffle bags.

Lion Tamer

Poza publicata in [ Foul Language ]

Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, Im going to become a lion tamer.

The other replies, Thats crazy, you dont know nothing about no lion taming.



Yes I do!



Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?



Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down.



Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?



Well, then I takes that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down.



Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?



Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him.



Well, what if that gun doesnt work? What will you do then?



Well, then I pick up some of the shit thats on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of the cage.



Well, what if there aint no shit in the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?



Well, thats dumb. Cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun dont work, theres going to be some shit on the bottom of that cage, you can bet on that.


To Prick A Bobby

Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

Q: How do you prick a Bobby?



A: With a Bobby Pin!