Knock Knock
Whos there?
Norway!
Norway who?
Norway will I leave till you open this door!

You cant push a rope.

Helen Waite is our credit manager.

If you want credit, go to Helen Waite.

Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com

Little boy, I dont care if your dog can talk. Please
tell him this is a Tardis, not a Way-Back Machine.

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

12 to investigate Clintons involvement in the failure of the old bulb, 23 to deregulate the lightbulb industry, 16 to cut funding for alternative lighting research and development, 34 to cut the tax rate on lightbulbs, 53 to design a block grant so the states can change the bulb, and 41 to talk with defense contractors about using night-vision gear instead.

YOU KNOW YOUVE BEEN ON THE COMPUTER FOR TOO LONG…

When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

When you are counting objects, you go 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D….

When you dream in 256 palettes of 256 colors.

When your wife says If you dont turn off that damn machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!, and you chastise her for omitting the else clause.

You try to sleep, and think sleep (8 * 3600); /* sleep for 8 hours /

When you are reading a book and look for the scroll bar to get to the next page.

When after fooling around all day with routers etc., you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number and hummmmm to imitate a modem… and you succeed…

When you get in the elevator and double-click the button for the floor you want.

When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.

When you look for a icon to double-click to open your bedroom window.

When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that youre doing the math in octal.

When you look for a trash can icon for throwing garbage.

Why did the skeleton Burp????Cause it didnt have the Guts to fart!!!!

Paddy and Bridget had just got married. It was their wedding night in the bridal suite. Bridget was lying on her back on the bed in an incredible shimmering silky neglige whimpering Take me Paddy, take me now.

Paddy (having been a good catholic boy) was a virgin and didnt have the faintest idea what to do next.

Suddenly he had a brilliant idea. He dashed out of the room and went to reception to ring his mum for advice.

Her advice was to put the hardest part of his body into where Bridget wees. Paddy was a bit dubious about this but his mother assured him that Bridget would love it.

Paddy came back in to the bedroom triumphantly, asked Bridget if she was ready.

Bridget shouted, Yes, Yes, Im ready and then watched in amazement as Paddy ran into the bathroom and put his head down the toilet.

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. Where the hell do you think youre going? he demands. Im going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free.The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. Where do you think you going? the wife asks. Im coming with you…I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!

Ever notice that when you drop a buttered piece of bread, it drops butter side down? And what about cats? Cats always land on their feet, right? So, the question is, what would happen if you took a piece of buttered bread, strapped it on the back of a cat (butter side up) and dropped the cat from any local precipice? The results are obvious! The laws of butterology demand that the butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline aerodynamics demand that the cat can not smash its furry back. If the combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore it simply does not fall. Thats right you clever mortal (well, as clever as a mortal can get), you have discovered the secret of antigravity! A buttered cat will, when released, quickly move to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or removing some of the cats limbs, allowing descent. Most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this principle to drive their ships while within a planetary system. The loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several hundred tabbies.