You might be a redneck… If your Uncle made your car tag.

When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.

Your screen door has no screen.

Your biggest ambition in live is to git that big ole coon.

Q: How many Brown students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One–and thats what his degree will be in!

Note: Because Brown has no real core curriculum.

Q: How many Trimarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Leave it out, it was only attracting mosquitos anyway.

A Brooklyn lawyer, a used car salesman and a banker were gathered by a coffin containing the body of an old friend.

In his grief, one of the three said, In my family, we have a custom of giving the dead some money, so they’ll have something to pay taxs over there.

They all agreed that this was appropriate.

The banker dropped a hundred dollar bill into the casket and walked away in tears.

The car salesman did the same.

The lawyer looked around and seeing no one was near the coffin, he took out the bills and wrote a check for $300.

Father Murphy was ministering to a man on his deathbed.

Renounce Satan! yelled Father Sullivan.



No!, said the dying man.



I say, renounce the devil and his works!

No way!, the man repeats.



And why, in the name of all that is holy, not? asks Father Murphy.



Because, said the dying man…

I want to wait until I see where Im heading before I start pissing anyone off!

One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.

Tom wasnt happy about that: When are you going to learn to be polite?

Bill: If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?

Tom: The smaller piece, of course.

Bill: What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?

It is not enough to tell me you worked hard to get your gold. The devil works hard too.

A city in Alaska passed a law outlawing all dogs.

It became known as Dogless Fairbanks.

yo mama is just so stupid