A man walks into a store and asks the clerk, Do you have any polish sausage?
The clerk replies, Are you Polish?
The man says, Yes, but why do you ask? If I asked for Italian Sausage would you ask if I was Italian? Or if I asked for German Sausage would you ask if I was German? Or if I asked for a taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?!?
The clerk simply answered, No.
The man said, Then why did you just ask me if I was Polish?
The clerk replied, Because this is a hardware store!
There was a old man sitting on a bench outside the mall. A young man walked who had spiked hair that was orange, yellow, green and red. The old man just looked at him. The young man said Whats the matter old man? Havent you ever done anything crazy in your life? And the old man said Well actully I have. I once got drunk and had sex with a parrot. I was just wandering if you were my son.
Un señor de la alta sociedad le dice a sus amigos:
Amigos escúchenme por favor: Les tengo tres noticias. La primera: están invitados a la gran fiesta de mi casa mañana (los amigos aplauden alegremente). La segunda, la fiesta va a ser de disfraces (los amigos aplauden un poco confundidos), y la tercera: el disfraz va a ser según su apellido.
El dia de la fiesta llega un señor embutido en una enorme bola roja, con la cabeza de fuera. El mayordomo dice: Bienvenido señor MANZANERO.
Llega una señora con una bata blanca brillante: Bienvenida señora De la Plata.
Y asà llegan muchos más hasta que se aparece un señor totalmente desnudo. El mayordomo abre la puerta y dice: Pero qué se ha creÃdo, esta es una fiesta de disfraces, no una orgÃa.
Oh, ¿no me reconoces?, dice el señor, y entonces pega un salto, se da tres vueltas en el aire y al caer se mete el dedo.
Es usted un pervertido, dice el mayordomo, y le cierra la puerta.
El mayordomo se dirige con el dueño de la casa y le dice:
Señor, afuera hay un señor desnudo que da un salto, da tres vueltas en el aire y al caer se mete el dedo.
¡Ah! SÃ, es el señor Balero, déjalo pasar.
¿Cuál es la diferencia entre una novia, una amante y una esposa?
Que la novia te dice ¡ay, que dulce!, la amante dice ¡ay, que vigor!, y la esposa dice:
Hay que pagar la luz, hay que pagar el teléfono, hay que pagar el cable…
You cant tell how deep a puddle is until you step into it.
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.Whats the matter? he asks.I have a case of Anal Glaucoma, she says in a weak voice.He asks: What the hell is Anal Glaucoma?She responds: I cant see my ass coming into work today.
Heres a little info that should be right down your modem:
Home is where you hang your @
The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail..
A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click..
You cant teach a new mouse old clicks..
Great groups from little icons grow..
Speak softly and carry a cellular phone..
C: is the root of all directories..
Dont put all your hypes in one home page..
Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish..
The modem is the message..
Too many clicks spoil the browse..
The geek shall inherit the earth..
A chat has nine lives..
Dont byte off more than you can view..
FAX is stranger than fiction..
What boots up must come down..
Windows will never cease..
In Gates we trust..
Virtual reality is its own reward..
Modulation in all things..
A user and his leisure time are soon parted..
Theres no place like http://www.home.com/
Know what to expect before you connect..
Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice…
Speed thrills..
And, finally…
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Web and he wont bother you for weeks.
What happens when you play Country music records backwards?
You Sober up, your wife comes home and your dog returns to life!
Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to screw in the bulb and the other to hold the ladder….
A man & wife entered a dentists office. The Wife said, I want a tooth pulled. I dont want gas or Novocain because Im in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.
Youre a brave woman said the dentist. Now, Show me which tooth it is.
The wife turns to her husband and says, Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear.