24
Feb

JokesGalore News Wire…

Fresh in from the JokesGalore.com News Wire…

According to inside contacts, the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of stopping.

If anything, its getting worse.

Following last weeks news that Origami Bank had folded we have more breaking news…

We are hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches.

Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is (you guessed it!) going for a song!

Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 back-office staff at Karate Bank got the chop.

Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank, and staff there fear they may get a raw deal…stay tuned…

24
Feb

Why do black people have nightmares and not dreams?

The last black person that had a dream got shot.

24
Feb

Snail Humor

When a snail crossed the road, he was run over by a turtle.

Regaining consciousness in the emergency room, he was asked what caused the accident.

I really cant remember, the snail replied.

You see, it all happened so fast.

23
Feb

Drinking Buddies

Two men are sitting next to each other in an Irish-style pub in New York City. They both order pints of Guinness. One of them turns to the other and says So where are you from, then?

Im from Ireland.

Me too! Ill drink to that.

They both finish their pints and order two more.

Where in Ireland are you from?

Dublin.

Me too! Ill drink to that.

They both finish their pints and order two more.

Where in Dublin are you from?

The East Side.

The East Side? Me too! What a coincidence! Ill drink to that! They both finish their pints and order two more.

Where on the East Side are you from?

McDonagh Street.

Me too! This is incredible! Ill drink to that.

As the bartender pours them another two pints, another customer at the bar says to him, Thats amazing! I cant believe theyre from the same street in Dublin. Whats going on?

Oh, its nothing amazing, says the bartender,its just the Ferguson twins getting sloshed again.

23
Feb

Excuses Given by the Guards at the Jesuss Tomb

  • I thought he was the pizza delivery guy leaving. No wondered he smiled when I tried to give him a tip!
  • I was putting another denarius in the chariot meter!
  • With the earth shakin and all the bright lights, we figgered we was abducted by aliens.

  • Since the tomb was already empty when the stone was rolled away, Im afraid youre speaking to the wrong department. Let me give you a BR#245-A-Res form
    and direct you to Burial Services.

  • As weve already stated several times before, according to the legal definition of escape, we emphatically deny any wrongdoing in this matter!
  • We was HYPNO-TIZED! Centurion Bobicus is still clucking like a chicken!
  • You told us to secure the tomb as best as we know how. We did! May I suggest an assessment of our current training program?
  • All I know is, this better not mess up my early retirement package!
  • Hey! Whatd you expect? Did you tell us we were guarding the Son of God?–NOOOOOOOOO

  • Whats the big deal? He said Hed be back!

22
Feb

After buying a used car

After buying a used car the pollock asked his wife to make sure that the
blinkers worked correctly. He got in, turned them on and asked her if they
were working. She replied, YES NO YES NO YES,……

22
Feb

What do you get when you cross a donkey and a onion?

22
Feb

The top 17 things overheard at the Democratic National Convention

Thanks, Mr. President, but Ive already met the delegate from the great state of your pants.
No, no – our *good* billionaires give millions out of pure unselfish patriotism! Its their *evil* billionaires who are trying to buy the government!
As distinguished senior senator from the great state of Massachusetts, I hereby nominate the junior delegate from Vermont to go fetch a pitcher of margaritas.
Come quick! Jesses gonna try rhyming Lieberman!
Im sorry, Mrs. Clinton. I know L.A. is much warmer than New York, but its too late to re-invent yourself as a half-Mexican Dodger fan.
This really *is* the party of diversity – check out the Klingon delegates!
Mr. Bushs record is inconsequential He lacks any credential for executive potential Its an illusion when he appears presidential Which makes the election of Al Gore essential!
Thank you, Mr. Beatty.
Given the lack of personality factor, do you think we can digitally add a bong in his hand somewhere in the Years in Viet Nam clip?
Come on, Karenna. Oh, yes! Whos your President? Whos your President?
We, the representatives of the great state of Mississippi, are proud to nominate the tall fella, second on the left, and his little Jew friend there.
You cant swing a cat in here without hitting a Kennedy – not that the PETA delegates would let you do it anyway.
Are you feeling OK, Mr. Carter? Youre sure? No numbness or tingling? Youre positive?
Mr. Chairman, the Great State of Tennessee, birthplace of the Internet, first in lackluster personalities, an innovative leader for fundraising with Buddhist monks, and friendlier to Jews than we used to be, nominates its favorite son … Al Gore!
Ms. Streisand says your times up. Im afraid Ill have to ask you to leave the stage now, Mr. Gore.
Well, one night Tipper and I were discussing Disney movies in Hell, and these are some of the examples we came up with…
Follow me to the ladies room and hurry – Hillarys doing her pee standing up trick!

and Topfive.coms Number 1 Thing Overheard at the Democratic National Convention …

Whos this Al Gore guy everyone keeps talking about?

Rumination of the Day

If your hand offends thee, cut it off. If your other hand offends thee, better learn to live with it or youll have to train a monkey to wipe your butt. (Rolf Lundgren)

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2000 by Chris White ]

22
Feb

Collection of Yo Mama Jokes

Yo mamas like a hockey puck, she gets passed around to all the players.

Yo mama is so stupid that when you were born you came out butt first and your mama said, Oh look! twins!

Your momma is so stupid she got locked in a grocery store, and starved.

Yo mama so stupid, she returned a donut because it had a hole in it!

Yo mamas so fat, when she goes to Taco Bell, they run for the border !!

Yo mama has so many chins, it looks like shes wearing a fat necklace !!

Yo Mamas so fat, every time she goes outside wearing her yellow rain coat, everyone goes, Look, its the Magic School Bus!

Yo Mamas so hairy every time she steps outside, everyone goes, Look, its King Kong!!!!

yo mamas o fat she supplies 99% of British gas.

yo mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said to be continued….

Yo Momma so black when she goes swimming, people think shes an oil spill.

yo mama is so fat, she can sit on a t3 cable and make the internet traffic slow right down to 1 bit per day.

Yo Mamas so fat she sank the Titanic!

Yo mamas so stupid that she burned down the house with a CD burner.

Yo mamas house is so small you have to go outside to change your mind.

yo mamas like a fairground ride….everyone gets a go.

yo mama is so scary she walked into a ghost house and got a job

Yo mama so dumb she thought a big mac was a fat pimp

Yo mama is so fat, when she goes to the beach, Greenpeace wants to push her back in the sea!

yo mama is so fat, when she went to sea world, everyone paid to see her, not the whales

Yo momma couldnt integrate a nested trig function, even if you let her use a computer

Yo mama is so stupid she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the Ws

When she joined an ugly contest, they said Sorry, no professionals.

She thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company.

Yo mamas so stupid, she ordered a cheeseburger without the cheese.

Yo mamas so stupid she cant pass a blood test.

Yo mamas so dumb she brought a spoon to the Super-Bowl.

Yo mamas so fat she was baptized in Sea World.

22
Feb

Choo-Choo!

Why are Blondes like railroad tracks?

Because they are famous for getting laid all over the world!!!