Old and New Jokes

A man had a watch that didnt work. He ask his friend to tell what is wrong. The friend say Its because the watch is on your right hand.

The man puts the watch on his left hand and says Oh there we go!

In olden times, it is reported that sacrifices were made at the altar.

Since then, weddings have been held there, and times havent changed at all!

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk.
The lawyer said, I dont mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?
St. Peter replied, Well, Ive added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!

Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar? She heard the drinks were on the house.

1. Stays in bed past 5am
2. When you critize him he yells thou sucketh
3. You find his stash of colored socks.
4. He wears his big black hat backwards.
5. He has pictures of women not wearing bonnets
6. Uses slang expresions – talk to the hand cuz the beard aint listening
7. Shows up to barn raising in KISS make-up
8. Says if I had a radio, Id listen the gangster rap

Q: Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room? A: So she could use it as a mirror.

You might be a redneck if you go to your family reunion to meet women!

Q: How many post-doctoral fellows does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but itll probably take three or four tries to get it right because he/she will probably give it to the technician to do.

Dan Quail does not support Viagra. Quote: Ive been using this stuff for a week and NOTHING! Its the worst suppository Ive ever used.

Men taking iron supplements are warned that taking Viagra may cause them to spin around and point north.

Rumor has it that when a truck carrying a load of Viagra slid off into the Ohio River, all the lift bridges suddenly went up.

New plans are being made to raise the Titanic. Experts plan to pump it full of Viagra, and expect it to raise right up.

For years the medical professional has been looking after the ill, to make them better. Now, with Viagra, theyre raising the dead!

The difference between Niagara and Viagra? Niagara Falls.

Its been said that if you take Viagra and Propecia (or use Rogain) at the same time, things work great — but you look like Don King, afterward.

A Viagra delivery truck was high-jacked: The police are looking for two hardened criminals. They expect a stiff penalty under the penal code.

Unconfirmed but frequent reports tell us that a man who overdosed on Viagra caused the funeral home problems – they couldnt close his coffin lid for 3 days.

Even so, were told that the funeral home industry is happy about Viagra overdoses: Lots of new stiffs means an upswing in business.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Pharaoh!
Pharaoh who?
Pharaoh enough!