De los 13 a los 18 años está como América Latina:

En pleno desarrollo.

De los 19 a los 25 años está como África:

Mitad virgen y mitad explorada.

De los 26 a los 35 años está como Asia:

Ardiente pero misteriosa.

De los 36 a los 45 años está como Europa:

Conservadora pero interesante.

De los 46 a los 55 años está como Estados Unidos:

Pura tecnología.

De los 56 a los 65 años está como China:

Puro cuento.

De los 66 a los 70 años está como Cuba:

Todos saben dónde está pero nadie quiere verla.

De los 71 años en adelante está como Venezuela:

Existe, pero está toda escoñetada.

Este era un lorito muy tirón, y todos los días se cogía a los animales de la tienda donde se encontraban, hasta que un día una señora lo decide comprar.

La señora tenía una gata, y todos los días al llegar a la casa veía a la gata toda exhausta, y decía: Ohhhh se han cogido a la gata.

Así pasó una semana, hasta que tomó al loro y le dijo: ¡Si mañana te coges a la gata te encierro en el refrigerador!

Al día siguiente la gata estaba cogida otra vez y la mujer encerró al loro en el refrigerador. Pasaron tres dias, y se acordó del loro, y cuando abre la puerta del refrigerador ve al loro todo sudado y éste le dice:

¡COÑO, ESE POLLO SI QUE TIENE EL CULO DURO!

It’s the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. Hes a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girls father answers and invites him in.



Carries not ready yet. Why dont you have a seat? Carries father asks Bobby what theyre planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.





Why dont you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it!





Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby so he asks Carries dad to please repeat himself.





Yeah, says Carries father, Carrie really likes to screw; shell screw all night if we let her!





A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and matching cardigan sweater and announces that shes ready to go. Breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.





About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father: “Dad, its called the Twist!

There were three girls: a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. They were running from the cops, when they ran to a farm and hid, the cops closely on their trail.

The brunette hid with the ducks. The redhead hid with the cows. And the blonde hid with potatoes.

The cops looked in the ducks pen and the brunette said, Quack, quack, quack…

The cops then looked into the cows area and the redhead said, Moooooo…

Finally, the cops looked in the the potato patch and the blonde said, Potatoooooo…

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

90. Trash the room when your roommates not around. Then leave and wait for your roommate to come back. When he/she does, walk in and act surprised. Say, Uh-oh, it looks like, they, were here again.

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, youll be happy. If you get a bad one, youll become a philosopher. — Socrates

This guy is sitting in his living room surfing the channels on the television. All of a sudden, the door of the apartment whips open and his girlfriend storms through. She screams, You jerk! and she heads into the bedroom. Stunned, the man flips off the television and walks toward the bedroom, wondering, Now what have I done? Inside the bedroom he finds the girl furiously packing a suitcase. He asks her whats up. She responds with a hiss, My therapist says that I should leave you and that youre a pedophile! The man responds, Wow, youre pretty smart for a 12 year old.

A man goes into a restaurant and orders soup. When the waiter brings
out the bowl he has his thumb stuck in the soup, but the customer decides to
let it go.

Would you like anything else? the waiter inquires. We have some very
good beef stew today.

Sounds good, says the customer. So the waiter goes off and comes
back with a plate of stew, and his thumb is in the stew. The customer is getting
angry now, but decides to hold his tongue.

How about some hot apple pie? asks the waiter.

Fine, says the customer. The waiter returns with his thumb stuck in
the pie. Now the customer is really getting furious.

Coffee? asks the waiter, and when the customer nods yes, he hurries
off. He returns with his thumb stuck in the cup of coffee. By now the customer
can no longer restrain himself.

What the hell do you think youre doing? Every time youve come to the
table youve had your thumb stuck in my food!

Ive got an infection and my doctor told me to keep my thumb in a hot,
moist place.

Why dont you just stick it up your ass?

Where do you think I put it when Im in the kitchen?

On their first date, Joe took Rose to the carnival. When he asked her
what she wanted to do first, Rose replied, Get weighed.

So Joe took her to the man with the scale who guesses your weight. He
looked at Rose and said, One hundred and twenty pounds. Since Rose weighed
in at one seventeen, she collected a prize.

Next they went on the roller coaster. When the ride was finished, Joe
asked Rose what she wanted to do next. Get weighed, she said. So they went
back to the man with the scale, who of course guessed Roses weight correctly.
Leaving without a prize, they went for a ride on the merry-go-round. After
they got off, Joe asked Rose what she wanted to do next. I want to get
weighed! she said again.

Now Joe began to think this girl was quite strange, and decided to end
the evening quickly. He left her at the door with a quick handshake.

Roses roommate was waiting up for her return and asked how the
evening went.

Wousy! Rose replied.

– Steve DiPirro

Q: Whats the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

A: The lawyer charges more.

A man walks into a bar, he sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the barman, Why are those two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling?
The barman replies, Its a competition which we run every night. If you can jump up and touch the meat, you get free drinks for the whole night.Great! says the man, but what if I cant reach them? Then you have to buy all the drinks for everyone all night, the barman answers.Do you want to try?No, but thanks anyway. Why not?, asks the barman.The steaks are too high.