Drinking heavily the night before.

A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, Martha, pack
up your things. I just won the California lottery!

Martha replies, Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?

The man responds, I dont care. Just so long as youre out of the
house by noon!

You might be a redneck if…
Your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.

Faxed to me at work by a colleague:

For Sale by Owner:
Complete Set of Encyclopedia Brittanica
Excellent condition, but no longer needed;
Fucking wife knows everything.

A brunette was jumping along railroad tracks, saying, “21, 21, 21.” A blonde comes along and starts doing the same thing. They hear a train and the brunette jumps off, but the blonde keeps jumping. The blonde gets hit and dies. After the train leaves, the brunette jumps back on saying this time, “22, 22, 22….”

The 1/19 Baltimore
Sun had an interview with Frank Marshall, director of upcoming film, "Alive,"
in which a rubgy team marooned in the mountains must resort to cannibalism
for survival.
Mr. Marshall said he was out driving, discussing the film deal on his
car phone, when he was cut off by a pickup with a bumper sticker reading,
"Rugby Players Eat Their Dead."
He decided to make the film, saying, "You have to go with those
kinds of things."

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Haifa!
Haifa who?
Haifa cake is better than none!

Your birth announcement included the word rug rat.

Youve ever hitchhiked naked.

Youre turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.

Hard drive – Trying to get home during a heavy snow storm

Sale un negro del mar completamente desnudo, arrastrando la polla de medio metro de largo por la arena. La gente que estaba en la playa se le queda mirando el asunto, asombrados todos.

El negro que ve las caras de la gente pregunta: Joder, ¿qué pasa? ¿Qué me miráis todos? ¿Acaso a vosotros no se os encoge al salir del agua?