We Wish You a Happy Halogen
We wish you a happy halogen
We wish you a happy halogen
We wish you a happy halogen
To react with a metal.
Good acid we bring
to you and your base.
We wish you a merry molecule
and a happy halogen.
26
May
26
May
When God passed out looks,
I thought He said books, and I didnt want any.
When God passed out ears,
I thought He said beers, and I asked for two long ones.
When God passed out legs,
I thought He said kegs, and I asked for two fat ones.
When God passed out noses,
I thought He said roses, and I asked for a big red one.
When God passed out heads,
I thought He said beds, and I asked for a big soft one.
When God passed out brains,
I thought he said trains, and I missed mine.
26
May
An elderly spinster called the lawyers office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about having a will prepared.
The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for a convenient time for the spinster to come into the office.
The woman replied, You must understand, Ive lived alone all my life, I rarely see anyone, and I dont like to go out. Would it be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?
The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and he went to the spinsters home for the meeting to discuss her estate and the will.
The lawyers first question was, Would you please tell me what you have in assets and how youd like them to be distributed under your will?
She replied, Besides the furniture and accessories you see here, I have $40,000 in my savings account at the bank.
Tell me, the lawyer asked, how would you like the $40,000 to be distributed?
The spinster said, Well, as Ive told you, Ive lived a reclusive life, people have hardly ever noticed me, so Id like them to notice when I pass on. Id like to provide $35,000 for my funeral.
The lawyer remarked, Well, for $35,000 you will be able to have a funeral that will certainly be noticed and will leave a lasting impression on anyone who may not have taken much note of you! But tell me, he continued, what would you like to do with the remaining $5,000?
The spinster replied, As you know, Ive never married, Ive lived alone almost my entire life, and in fact Ive never slept with a man. Before I die, Id like you to use the $5,000 to arrange for a man to sleep with me.
This is a very unusual request, the lawyer said, adding, but Ill see what I can do to arrange it and get back to you.
That evening, the lawyer was at home telling his wife about the eccentric spinster and her weird request.
After thinking about how much she could do around the house with $5,000 and with a bit of coaxing, she got her husband to agree to provide the service himself. She said, Ill drive you over tomorrow morning, and wait in the car until youre finished.
The next morning, she drove him to the spinsters house and waited while he went into the house. She waited for over an hour, but her husband didnt come out. So she blew the car horn. Shortly, the upstairs bedroom window opened, the lawyer stuck his head out and yelled, Pick me up tomorrow, shes going to let the County bury her!
25
May
Doctor, doctor, mi esposa cree que es un refrigerador.
No se preocupe. Ya se le pasará.
SÃ, pero mientras tanto yo no puedo pegar un ojo en toda la noche, porque ella duerme con la boca abierta y la luz me da en la cara.
25
May
Estaba Pepito en el baño masturbándose, cuando su hermana lo encuentra y le dice:
¡Ajá, Pepito, ahora mismo le cuento a papá!
No, espera, lo que pasa es que me estoy lavando a toda velocidad.
25
May
…and orders a soda. The bartender asks why he doesnt want his usal shot.
The man replies, I dont drink anymore.Last night I blew chunks.
so what? the bartender replies
everyone gets a little sick after drinking at times.
no no. the man relpies you dont understand, Chunks is my dog
24
May
What do you call two Vietnamese in a Trans Am?
The Gooks of Hazard.
24
May
Why are women like snow flakes??
They are all beautiful.
They are all different.
They can all be cold as ice.
But theyll all melt when they land on your face……
Dave B.
24
May
Two kids were having the standard argument about whose father could beat up whose father.
One boy said, My father is better than your father.
The other kid said, Well, my mother is better than your mother.
The first boy paused and then replied, I guess youre right.
My father says the same thing.
24
May
A young couple with a box of condoms proceeded to burn some rubber.When they were finished, she discovered that there were only six condoms remaining in the box of 12, so she asked him, What happened to the other five condoms?His nervous reply was, Er, I masturbated with them.Later, she then approached her male confidant friend, told him the story, and then asked him, Have you ever done that?Yeah, once or twice, he told her.You mean you’ve actually masturbated with a condom before? she asked.Oh, he said, I thought you were asking if I’d ever lied to my girlfriend.