Old and New Jokes

What do toys and womens breasts have in common?

They were both originally made for kids, but dad ends up playing with

Un hombre va al medico y le dice: Doctor, vengo a verlo porque tengo un problema de tos terrible.

El medico busca un frasquito en un cajón y se lo entrega diciéndole: Tómese tres dosis diarias de este laxante para caballos.

El paciente asustado le dice: Pero doctor, ¿usted cree que este laxante me vaya a curar la tos?

Y el médico contesta: Bueno, curársela no creo, pero le aseguro que no se va a atrever a toser.

a frog goes into a bank and and wants to get a loan the bank teller says,whats your name? Kermit jagger the frog says.
like mick jagger? she says. yeah hes my dad. well what do you have to give us for security? i have this the frog says and pulls out a pink porceline pig the teller says hold on ill go check this with my boss, so she asks her
boss, whats this? he says well i think its a Knick Knack paddywack give a frog a loan his old mans a rolling stone.

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist said, Thats no problem. How many do you want?

The man answered, Just a few, maybe four, but cut each one into four pieces.

The pharmacist said, That wont do you any good.

The elderly gentleman said, Thats all right. I dont need them for sex anymore, as Im over 80 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I dont pee on my shoes.

The

Your momma so nasty she charges $10 for sex, gives ya lice, when ya come

back to complain she says – For $10 what do ya expect, lobster?

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

117. Throw darts at a bare wall. All of a sudden, act excited, telling your roommate that you hit the bullseye.

Entropy requires no maintainence.

A blonde goes to a doctor and tells him that both her ears are burnt.
Sit down and tell me how it happened, said the doctor.

Well, I was ironing my clothes when I received a phone call, and instead of picking the phone, I picked up the iron and burnt my ear!

Okay, I see…But thats one ear – what about the other?

They called again!!

Llega Andrés Pastrana a una reunión con su gabinete a las 2:30 am.

Señores… ¡Renuncio! Me voy de este país lleno de pobreza, guerrilla y criticones…

Toma un respiro y ante la mirada atónita de todo su gabinete sigue:

Me llegó una carta de Bush donde me dice que me va a nombrar asesor en el Medio Oriente.

Pastrana saca un sobre sellado y estampado TOP SECRET (como en las películas de espías) y lo tira al centro de la mesa del despacho. Uno de sus asesores, aún sin haberse recuperado de la sorpresa, toma el sobre; saca la carta que contiene; la lee y, aguantando la risa, se dirige al Señor Presidente:

¡Eh, Andrés! Aquí no dice que te van a nombrar asesor en Medio Oriente. El presidente Bush dice que te va a mandar un asesor para que te medio oriente…