Old and New Jokes

Why is it so hard to tell the truth but so easy to tell a lie?

Why are we so sleepy in church but
Right when the sermon is over we suddenly wake up?

Why is it so hard to talk about God but yet so easy to talk about bad stuff?

Why is it so boring to look at a Christian magazine, yet so easy to look at a dirty one?

Why is it so easy to delete a Godly e-mail but we forward all of the dirty ones?

Why are the churches getting smaller but yet the bars and dance clubs are getting larger?

Do you give up?

Think about it …

Are you going to forward this, or delete it?

To terrify others, forward this to at least 10 people.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Farley!
Farley who?
Farley the leader!

Ladies and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a ridiculous figure.
When you are thirsty, try 7-Up, the refreshing drink in the green bottle with the big 7 on it and the u-p after.
Tune in next week for another series of classical music programs from the Canadian Broadcorping Castration.
Illiterate? Write for free information.

Three old women are talking about their aches, pains and bodily dysfunctions.

One seventy-five year old woman says, I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee.

An eighty year old woman says, My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement.

The ninety year old woman says, At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I crap like a cow.

So whats your problem? asked the others.

I dont wake up until nine.

A truck driver stopped for a meal at and was just served when a huge caravan of Hells Angels roared in. As the gang entered the restraunt, everyone but the truck driver quickly paid thier bills and left. The truck driver quietly sat there eating his steak.

The leader of the Hells Angels marched in and sat by the trucker at the bar, reached over and took his plate and began to eat the steak. Still unruffled, the trucker sat there quietly and drank his coffee. This infuriated the gang leader who grabbed the coffee and poured it on the truckers head. Calmly the trucker wiped his head and walked to the cashier. Amid jears and insults from the gang the trucker paid his bill and left.

When the waitress came to take their order, the gang leader remarked, Boy, that guy wasnt much of a man was he. I stole his steak, called his mother a bitch, and even poured coffee on his head. And the whimp, he just walked away.

The waitress replied, Yea, I guess your right. You really scared him. He must have run over about forty motorcycles trying to get out of the parking lot, but he just kept on going.

Q: How many atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Atheists question whether its really light anyway.

Aries: Okay, lets do it again!Taurus: Im hungry–pass the pizza.Gemini: Have you seen the remote?Cancer: When are we getting married?Leo: Wasnt I fantastic?Virgo: I need to wash the sheets.Libra: I liked it if you liked it.Scorpio: Perhaps I should untie you.Sagittarius: Dont call me–Ill call you.Capricorn: Do you have a business card?Aquarius: Now lets try it with our clothes off!Pisces: What did you say your name was again?

Q. Why is it good to have a desi friend ?

A. You can get your assignments done.

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail – and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him….what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, its good): A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

What happens to the holes when all the cheese has been eaten?

If you put orange juice in the freezer it becomes frozen, then why when you squeeze an orange doesnt it become squozen?

Why is there only one Monopolies commission?

Why do ballet dancers always dance on their toes? Wouldnt it be easier to just hire taller dancers?

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?