Old and New Jokes

According to inside contacts, the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of ameliorating. If anything, its getting worse.

Following last weeks news that Origami Bank had folded, we are hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches. Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is (you guessed it!) going for a song.

Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 back-office staff at Karate Bank got the chop. Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.

Sandy (AKA Ms Sam)

http://chucklesofchoice.com

Q: How many research technicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but itll probably take him/her three or four tries to get it right.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

107. Tell your roommate, Ive got an important message for you. Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you cant remember what the message was. Later on, say, Oh, yeah, I remember! Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

5 Counterproductive Pick-Up Lines

1) If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut in your hole.

2) How do you like your eggs: fried, scrambled or fertilized?

3) My love for you is like diarrhea; I just cant hold it in.

4) If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, then could I meet you between the holidays?

5) How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and Ill give you the meat.

It was the first camping experience for Jed. As
soon as he had pitched his tent, he went for a
hike in the woods. In about fifteen minutes he
rushed back into camp, bleeding and disheveled.

What happened? asked a fellow camper.

I was chased by a black snake! cried the frightened Jed.

The camper laughed and retorted, A black snake isnt deadly.

Listen, groaned Jed, If he can make you jump off a
fifty-foot cliff, he is!

Three men are found in the wilderness by civilized cannibals. The men are led to a gravesite next to the water. "You have two choices of death," says the chief. "We either will kill you as a coward, or we will let you die honarable deaths for your homelands. You choose the weapon. Either way, your skins will be used to make our canoes." The first man, a soldier at heart, asks for a handgun. With this shoots himself. The next man, a warrior at heart, he uses a Japanese katana to commit seppuku as a Japanese man. The last man asks for a fork. He stabs himself repeatedly in the chest."I HOPE YOUR CANOE SINKS!"

In October 1993, in Iran, where celebratory gunfire is traditional at weddings, a guest named Rasool lost control of his automatic weapon at a wedding in the Lorestan province, accidentally killing six people and wounding fourteen of them.

I think Ill stick to the tradition of throwing rice–it seems much less dangerous.

How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patti.

A Priest and a Rabbi were talking one day.


And the conversation eventually turned as it always did, to the Rabbis Piety.


The Priest kept on urging him,Come on Rabbi, this is the 21st century. Why dont you lighten up? When are you going to break down and have a ham sandwich?


The Rabbi looked at him at length and replied,At your wedding, Father. At your wedding!

Al llegar al cine con la novia, le dan a cada uno un ladrillo y un palo; el ladrillo para sentarse y el palo para espantar a las cucarachas.

Ya en el cine, la novia se descuida y se le entra una cucaracha en su vagina. El novio la lleva lo mas rápido posible al ginecólogo. Al llegar le dicen lo que pasó y el doctor contesta dieciendole al novio que vaya a dar una vuelta y regrese.

Al regresar el novio observa que el doctor está encima de la novia y se enfurece, luego le pregunta si ya le sacó la cucaracha y el le responde:

Todavía no, pero la aplasto, porque la aplasto.