En una convención de sacerdotes, y en un momento de relax, se encuentran un cura mexicano, uno argentino y un peruano, y empiezan a charlar sobre el problema de las limosnas.
El religioso argentino comenta:
Che, yo he resuelto de la mejor forma ese problema. Mirá, yo en la sacristÃa he hecho un cÃrculo, entonces al final de la misas dominicales cojo todas las limosnas de la semana y las aviento hacia el cielo, lo que cae dentro del cÃrculo es para Cristo y lo que queda fuera es para mÃ.
El cura mexicano declara:
Pos yo tengo un método parecido, sólo que yo he hecho un cuadrado, lo que cae dentro es para mÃ, y lo que queda fuera es para el Señor.
El clérigo peruano se rÃe a carcajadas, y les informa que él tiene un mejor método:
Miren, hijos mÃos, yo lo he resuelto de otra forma, muy similar a la de ustedes; yo no tengo cÃrculos ni cuadrados ni nada por el estilo, cada seis meses me voy de vacaciones a Europa con todos los gastos pagados, tengo servicio doméstico en la parroquia y me doy el lujo de tener un Mercedes Benz de mi propiedad y unas cuantas casitas.
Che ¿y como lo hacés?
Muy fácil, agarro toda la limosna de la semana y la tiro al cielo; lo que agarra el Salvador es para él, y el resto es para mis humildes gastos.
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
This man walks into a bar and two steps he realizes that its a gay bar. But the man really wants a drink so he goes in anyway. The man walks up to the bartender and says, Id like a beer. And the bartender replys, I cant give you a drink until you tell me the name of your penis. The man is very confused, so he turns to the guy on his right and asks him, Whats the name of your penis? And the guy replys, Timex…. Takes a lickin and keeps on tickin So then the man turns to the guy on his left and asks him, Whats the name of your peinis? And the man replys, Energizer… It keeps going and going and….. So the man finally understands what is going on, and he says to the bartender, The name of my penis is Secret. And the bartender asks Why? And the man replys, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
Posted in Bar |
A husband and a wife were out enjoying a round of golf about to tee off on the third hole which was lined with beautiful homes.
The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice. Her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. The ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces. They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what happened.
When they peeked inside the house they found no one there. The husband called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head.
The wife said, do you live here?
No, someone just hit a ball through the window, knocked over the vase you see there and freed me from that little bottle. I am so grateful, he answered.
The wife said, are you a genie?
Oh, why yes i am. In fact, I am so grateful I will grant you two wishes, the third I will keep for myself, the man replied.
The husband and wife agreed on two wishes… one was for a scratch handicap for the husband, to which the wife readily agreed. The other was for an income of $1,000,000 per year forever. The genie nodded and said, done!
The genie now said, for my wish, I would like to have my way with your wife. I have not been with a woman for many years, and after all, I have made you a scratch golfer and a millionaire.
The husband and wife agreed.
After the genie and wife were finished, the genie asked the wife, How long have you been married? to which she responded, Three years. The genie then asked, How old is your husband? to which she responded, 31 years old.
The genie then asked, How long has he believed in this genie stuff?
Posted in Genie |
You might be a redneck if…
Youve ever parked a Camero in a tree.
Posted in Redneck |
A black couple were invited to a Halloween party and were trying to decide what to dress up as.
The wife says, how about Hanzel and Gretel?
Nah…they were white, her husband replied.
Ok, how about Raggedy Ann and Andy?
No way! Theyre white too and have huge ugly freckles!
So the wife tells her husband to think of something since he always has a smart remark for her choices.
So he thinks a bit and then pops up – I got it! .
Well go as Heshey Bars!
Heshey bars? replies his wife…are you nuts!
Exactly! One with nuts, and one without!
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Gina!
Gina who!
Gina you dont recognize me!
Posted in Knock-knock |
Q. Whats long and hard on a Redneck?
A. Third grade.
Posted in Redneck |
There was a blonde, sitting in a rowboat, out in the middle of a huge field. She kept screaming HELP.
Another blonde happen to be driving by in her car and heard the first blonde yelling for help, so she pulled over to the side of the road to see what was wrong.
She yelled to the blonde sitting in the boat and asked her what was wrong.
The blonde in the boat replied, I lost the oars and dont know how to get out of here. Can you help me?
The second blonde replied, I would but I cant swim!
Posted in Blonde |
The old adage that It takes a thief to catch a thief may indeed be true.
But these days theres a 3rd thief involved pleading the case — the lawyer.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Old statisticians never die, they just undergo a transformation.
Posted in Math |