REAL QUESTIONS ASKED IN SCIENCE CLASSES
Are the rivers flowing up the mountain or down the mountain?
Is that the ocean? (Asked while on a field trip to Marine Lab Beach on Guam (a small island in the Pacific).
How can the river be flowing north? Thats uphill!
How can mass wasting be an agent of landscape formation on the Moon? The Moon has no gravity!
How do I get water into this beaker?
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles…the salesgirl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?
He answers, You see, its like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling paper. So, I figure that if I have to roll my own, SO DOES SHE!
An Oxford philosopher was giving a lecture on the philosophy of language at Columbia University, and came to a curious aspect of the English language. You will note, said the stuffy Oxford scholar, that in the English language, two negatives can mean a positive, but never is it the case that two positives can mean a negative. To which someone in the back responded, yeah, yeah.
All I want is a chance to prove that money means nothing to me!
A: Who can tell. FSEs are always in the dark. A: 2. One to hold the bulb and one to pound it in (etc)
A bunch of Cardinals got together with the Pope and decided that they wanted to have a golf game against the other religions. The only problem was that none of the cardinals were very good golfers.
One Cardninal turned to the Pope and suggested, We could get Tiger Woods and ordane him as a Cardinal. He would ensure our victory.
Thats a great idea, said the Pope.
A few weeks later, the cardinals returned from their golf game and the Pope was anxiously awaiting the news of the match.
So, how did it go? asked the Pope.
One of the cardinals replied, Well, it went alright. We played pretty well, but we lost.
How could you lose? We had Tiger Woods as our secret weapon. gasped the Pope.
The cardinal shook his head and replied, Tiger lost to Rabbi Greg Norman!
There was this fellow who received a phone call from his doctor. The doctor said, I have some bad news and some really bad news.The fellow said, let me have it.The doctor said, The bad news is that I got your test results back and you have only 24 hours to live.The man groaned, sobbed, and otherwise carried on. Finally he asked the doctor, Whats the really bad news?The doctor replied, I forgot to call you yesterday!
Q: What costume did Bill Clinton wear to a Halloween party that scared everyone to death?
A: He came dressed as a two-term president.
One cold December day, a French tourist in Scotland decided to find out if the natives were as tight as he had heard.
He stopped at a farm cottage, told the farmers wife he was freezing to death, and was invited to come in and warm himself at the hearth.
Once inside the house, he complained of being thirsty.
The woman handed him an enormous white crockery mug filled with milk.
After taking a big swig, the impulsive guest exclaimed, This is sweet and fresh … you are most generous!
She replied modestly, Its nothing. My family wouldnt drink that milk
because we found a dead rat in it.
Sick to his stomach, the Frenchman clapped both hands over his mouth,
allowing the huge mug to fall to the floor and shatter on the stone.
The Scotswoman grabbed her broom, raised it high in the air, brought it
down on the visitors head, and hollered, Get out, you ungrateful pig!
I take you in my home, I let you share my fire, I give you milk to drink … and now you repay my kindness by breaking the childrens potty!
How do men define a 50/50 relationship?
Women cook, men eat; women clean, men get dirty; women iron, men wrinkle.