I dont suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

A college professor had just finished explaining how important it was that a research project be turned in on time. He said there were only two acceptable excuses for late projects:

1) A certified medical excuse

2) A death in the students immediate family

A smart-ass student raised his hand and asked, What about extreme sexual exhaustion?

As expected, this caused an explosion of laughter.

After the class had settled down, the professor froze the student with a glaring look and said, Well, in that case, I guess you would just have to learn how to write with your other hand.

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a great writer.

When asked to define great he said, I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

Joke found on http://www.doorseva.com

There was once was a blonde woman who had just bought a house.

She called it Harrybutt.

She had a child and named in Crack.

She lost Crack and couldnt find him.

So she called the police and said, I looked all over my Harrybutt and couldnt find my crack!

What do you call a mother cow that lost her calf?

Decafinated

Still hoping Im not the only one who finds verse humor funny:

In Stamford, at the edge of town, a giant statue stands:

An iron eagle sternly clasps the crag with crooked hands.

His pedestal is twenty feet, full thirty feet is he.

His head alone weighs many times as much as you or me.

All day, all night he keeps his watch and never stirs a feather.

His frowning brow glares straight ahead into the foulest weather.

They say this noble bird will spread his iron wings and fly

The day a virgin graduates from Stamford Senior High.

O, evil day when he shall rise above the peaceful town,

Endanger airplanes, frighten children, drop foul tonnage down!

So let not this accipiter desert his silent vigil,

But yield to me my darling, Stamfords finest, Susan Kitchell.

– Edward Allen

The other day I was sitting in the doctors office when a nun came running out of the exam room screaming and yelling. She was so upset, she didnt even pay her bill, just slammed the door and left.

About a minute later the doctor came out and the nurse asked him, Doctor, what on earth happened in there?

The doctor replied, Well, I examined her. Then I told her she was pregnant.

Pregnant? A nun? Thats impossible!, said the nurse.

I know it. But it sure cured her hiccups.

Q.: Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?

A.: Crib death.

– Tiger Magazine (Princeton U. Humor Mag)

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.

Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.

There might be some matches in the top drawer, she replied.

He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.

Naturally, the guy began to worry. Is this your husband? he inquired nervously.

No, silly, she replied, snuggling up to him.

Your boyfriend then? he asked. No, not at all, she said, nibbling away at his ear.

Well, who is he then? demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, Thats me before the operation.

A man went to the doctors. The doctor came in and said, Well, Ive
got some good news and some bad news.

The patient sighed, Okay, give me the bad news first.

The bad news is that you have an inoperable brain tumor.

The patient looked very grave, and asked, And what are the good news,
anything to help me with the brain tumor?

The good news is our hospital has just been certified to do brain
transplants and there has been an accident right out front and a young
couple was killed and you can have which ever brain you like. The
mans brain is $100,000.00 and the womans brain is $30,000.00.

Im glad to hear theres something you can do to help me, the man
replied, But, out of curiousity, why is there such a big difference
in the price of male and female brain?

The doctor replied, The female brain is used.