Through the center of Lahore theres the new Indo-Pak train speeding along (Samjhuata Express or whatever – which goes
between India and Pak.
In one compartment of the train there are four people. A beautiful vivacious young woman, an old matronly woman, a
Pakistani soldier, and our own Santa Singh. Suddenly the train goes through a tunnel.
It is completely dark. Then is heard a loud kiss and an equally powerful slap. When the train exits the tunnel, the
Pakistani soldier is holding the side of his face, and Santa Singh is grinning his face off. The old matronly woman thinks : Now thats a
fine young woman, the Pakistani soldier tries to steal a kiss in the tunnel and the lady slaps him one!
The young woman is thinking : Now thats a strange Pakistani soldier, hedrather kiss that old hag than me.
The Pakistani soldier is thinking : Now thats a smart Indian, he steals the kiss and I get slapped.
And Santa Singh is thinking : Gee Im smart! We go through the tunnel, I kiss the back of my hand and get away with
slapping a Pakistani soldier.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Why do you need a drivers license to buy liquor when you cant drink and drive?
Why isnt phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there floatation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If youre in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why cant they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Q: How many physiotherapists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They just give the dead bulb some exercises to do and hope it will be working a bit better the next time they see it.
You might be a redneck if…
Your huntin dawg cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
You have a Hefty bag for a convertible top.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
You have the taxidermists number on speed-dial.
You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
Youve been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
En una fiesta, estaba Pepito en el baño haciendo pipà cuando entra su papá, todo borracho:
A un lado mocoso.
Pepito se hace a un lado y se ponen a orinar los dos juntos, entonces el papa agarrándose la pija, le dice:
Mira Pepito, de aquà saliste.
A lo que Pepito, agarrándose su pija le contesta: Papi, papi, mira lo que traÃas adentro.
The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office.
What is your name? was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.
John, the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, Look… I dont know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at before, but I dont call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only… Smith, Jones, Baker… thats all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?
The new guy sighed, Darling. My name is John Darling.
Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is…
Why do we sing Take me out to the ball game when we are already there?
Heard this on one the radio this morning by some stand-up English comedian …
Ill never talk to anybody about sports in bar again. Last night I said to some guy,
I think Ireland have the best football team.
He said, No way, mate, the English football team is much better.
I said, YOUR NUTS!
And then he punched me right in the face. Thats the last time that Ill warn anybody that their balls are on fire …
Death: What some patients do in the end, to humiliate the doctor.