Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the
Net and he wont bother you for weeks.
16
May
16
May
A biker dies and wakes up in heaven. Upon looking back on his life he realises he shouldnt be here so he says to himself I should ask God why Im here.
When he asks him, God said, There is no Hell. This is the only place you can go.
So the biker looks around and notices
a group of people outside of the pearly gates, kicking themselves in the ass, and he said What about them?
God says They didnt know this was the only place you could go either, so they were good their whole lives.
16
May
Why dont mexicans have backyard barbeques?
Because all of the rice and beans fall through the grill.
16
May
So the Jamaicans did it with Cool Runnings… not to be outdone, the Israelis had the best downhill slalom skier in the world.
They went up to the Winter Olympics with high hopes of the Gold Medal. Through the practices they watched the Austrians, the Swiss, the Germans, the Italians and the Swedish ski down the hill and through the gates.
But the Israeli KNEW that he had it in the bag. He had easily beaten every one of those other guys times!
Come the day of the competition, the Israeli is drawn to ski last. They watched the Austrian – 35.7 seconds. Then the Italian, 35.2… and so on, until it came to the Israeli entry.
The coach waited anxiously at the bottom…. 6 and a half MINUTES later, the Israeli crossed the line!
The coach was furious. What the h*ll happened to you?! he screeched.
It wasnt my fault! yelled back the skier. Some b*st*rd nailed a mezzuzah to every gate!
16
May
How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, thats a hardware problem!
16
May
In 1993, the American Government funded a study to see why the head of the mans penis was much longer than the shaft.
After one year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason was to give the man more pleasure during sex.After the US published this study, France decided to do their own study. After spending $250,000 and 3 years of research, they concluded it was to give the woman more pleasure during sex. Poland, dissatisfied with both their results, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost $74.46, they concluded it was to keep the mans hand from flying off and hitting him in the head.
16
May
How many Frat boys does it take to change a lightbulb?
11… One to hold the lightbulb, and 10 to drink until the room spins.
16
May
Announcing, from Low-Life Books,
MYSTERIES OF THE OVERBLOWN
This provocative new book series provides amazingly arbitrary
explanations to events which lie entirely within ordinary reality.
Just listen to some of the stories described within …
o In Malibu, CA, a woman suddenly feels that her grandson in New York
has just received a phone call bringing terrible news. She places a
frantic, long distance call … and the line is busy.
16
May
You might be a redneck if…
Fewer than half of your cars run.
16
May
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says Look at that dog with one eye! The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says Where?