16
May

The pudding guy!

Phillips, a civil engineer at UC-Davis, has become a cult hero in the obsessive subculture of people who collect frequent-flier miles, by parlaying $3,150 worth of pudding into 1.2 million miles. Oh, yeah – hes also going to claim an $815 tax write-off.

Last May, Phillips was pushing his shopping cart down the frozen-food aisle of his local supermarket when a promotion on a Healthy Choice frozen entree caught his eye He could earn 500 miles for every 10 Universal Product Codes (bar codes) from Healthy Choice products he sent to the company by Dec.31. Even better Any bar codes mailed by he end of the month would rack up double the mileage, or 1,000 miles for very 10 labels.

I started doing the math, and I realized that this was a great deal, he said. I wanted to take my family to Europe this summer, and this could be the way.

Frozen entrees were about $2 apiece, but a few aisles away Phillips found cans of Healthy Choice soups at 90 cents each. He filled his cart with them, and then headed to his local Grocery Outlet, a warehouse-style discount store. And there he hit the mother lode. They had individual servings of chocolate pudding for 25 cents apiece, he said. And each serving had its own bar code on it. I did some more math and decided to escalate my plans.

Phillips cleaned the store out – bought every last cup of pudding in the warehouse. He then asked the manager for the addresses of all the other Grocery Outlet in the Central Valley and, with his mother-in-law riding shotgun in his van, spent a weekend scouring the shelves of every store from Davis to Fresno. There were 10 stores in all, he said. Luckily, most of them were right off the freeway.

He filled his garage to the rafters with chocolate pudding and stacked additional cases in his living room. But Phillips wasnt finished yet! He had the manager of his local Grocery Outlet order him 60 more cases. A few days later I went out behind the store, he said, and there were two whole pallets of chocolate pudding with my name on them.

All in all, hed purchased 12,150 individual servings of pudding.

Around this time, Phillips began to reveal his scheme to fellow readers of the Webflyer Web site (http://www.flyertalk.com/), where he posted an account under the name Pudding Guy.

Phillips tale was met with skepticism, if not outright dis-belief, until he uploaded photos of his haul. (Theyre still there, at http://www.flyertalk.com/pudding.htm).

But then Pudding Guy discovered he had a problem on his hands The deadline for earning double miles was quickly approaching, and there was simply no way Phillips and his wife could tear off all those bar codes in time. I had to come up with something to do with all that pudding, fast he said.

Phillips trucked the pudding to two local food banks and the Salvation Army, which agreed to tear off the bar codes in exchange for the food donation.

Wed never seen anything like it, said Larry Hostetler, community relations director for the Sacramento Salvation Army. Weve gotten some big donations, but always from companies and institutions, not individual people.

Phillips got his bar codes in the mail in time to beat the deadline, and then held his breath. The promotion specifically said I could get the miles for any Healthy Choice product, he said. But still, it seemed like there was a good chance theyd get me on some technicality.

But then packages – large packages – started arriving in the mail from Healthy Choice. In all, they contained 2,506 certificates, each good for 500 miles. Thats 1,253,000 miles. Under the terms of the promotion, Phillips could have the mileage posted in any airline account. He split 216,000 between his United, Delta and Northwest accounts and posted the rest – 1,037,000 miles – to his American Airlines account. By surpassing the million-mile mark, Pudding Guy now has Advantage Gold status for life, entitling him to a special reservations number, priority boarding, upgrades and bonus miles.

While we talked on the phone, Pudding Guy did a little math – as you night have noticed by now, hes very, very good at math – and figured out that scheme netted him enough miles for 31 round-trip coach tickets to Europe, or 42 tickets to Hawaii, or 21 tickets to Australia, or 50 tickets anywhere in the U.S.

Wow – 31 trips to Europe for a little over $3,000, I said. Thats less than $100 a ticket.

Oh, its better than that, Phillips said. Since I gave the pudding to charity I can take a tax write-off of $815. So that brings the cost of a ticket to Europe down to $75.

As it turns out, Pudding Guy didnt donate all his stash to the food banks. He kept about 100 servings for himself, and hes just about finished them.

Actually, he said, I really like the stuff.

From the San Francisco Examiner

{And thanks to Steve Kilbride}

16
May

BUTTS

WHO HAS MORE BUTTS THAN THE PLAYBOY MANSION. AN ASHTRAY

15
May

Yo mama is so flat

Yo mama so flat shes jealous of the wall!

15
May

Question and answer Clinton joke

Q: How does Al Gore spell potato?
A: T-A-T-E-R.

15
May

A horse breeder story

This Kentucky horse breeder had a filly that won every race in which she was entered. But as she got older she became very temperamental. He soon found that when he raced her in the evening, she would win handily, but when she raced during the day she would come in dead last. He consulted the top veterinarians and horse psychologists to no avail. He finally had to give up because it had become a real night mare.

15
May

Did you hear about the blonde that needed gas money?

Did you hear about the blonde that needed gas money? She sold her car for it.

15
May

Dads Job

A Teacher asks the children to discuss what their Dads do for a living.

Little Mary says: My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail.

Little Jack says: My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick people better.

All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny. The teacher says: Johnny, what does your Dad do?

Johnny says: My Dad is dead.

Im sorry to hear that, but what did he do before he died ?

He turned blue and shit on the carpet

15
May

Aids or Alzheimers

A doctor called up a fellow and said, Mr. Michaels I have some distressing news. As you know, your wife was in for some blood tests recently.

The guy says, Yes, thats right. Is there anything wrong?

Well, the doctor replies, heres the thing. Theres another women who came in for blood tests also and she has the exact same name as your wife.

Now, the problem is, I got the results of their tests and one of them has aids and the other has Alzheimer’s.

Oh, my God, the man said, what will I do, doc?

Well, Ive been giving this some thought, said the doctor, and heres what you do. Take her for a ride out in the country. When you get way out there, throw her out of the car and take off fast.

Then what? says the distraught man.

Well…if she finds her way home, whatever you do, DONT FUCK HER!

15
May

Dead Ringer

The bell-ringer for the church had just passed away, so the priest was looking for someone new to ring the bell.

Then one day this man comes out of nowhere and starts banging on the door.

The priest opens the door and sees that the man has no arms.

The priest asks him, How can you ring the bell?

The man said, Let me show you.

So they went up to the top of the bell tower and the man started hitting the bell with his head.

The bell starts to swaying and the man misses, and then he goes flying through the window.

Two more priests come running and ask, What happened? Who was that?

The second priest said, I dont know but that face sure rings a bell!

15
May

Estos eran 3 amigos, Hctor,

Estos eran 3 amigos, Héctor, Luis y Raúl.

Luis y Héctor se enteraron de que la mamá de Raúl había muerto y no sabían como darle la noticia a su amigo.

Entonces Héctor le dice a Luis, Yo la verdad soy muy güey para estas cosas, mejor dile tú.

Luis se la pasa pensando la manera de decirle hasta que se le ocurre algo, lo va a buscar y le pregunta:

¿Oye Raúl, tu que preferirías ¿que se muriera mi mamá o tu mamá?

Después de pensarlo Raúl contesta: Pues tu mamá.

Y Luis le dice Andele, ya ves, ¡por ojete se murió tu mamá!