These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

101. Bring in potential new roommates from around campus. Give them tours of the room and the building. Have them ask about your roommate in front of him/her, and reply, Oh, him/her? He/she wont be here much longer.

The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper.

Steve, his wife said, while reading the newspaper, it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces. They are going to eliminate six overaged destroyers.

To which the husband replies, Sorry to hear that, dear. Im sure youll miss your mother being gone.

Dont force it, get a bigger hammer.

What kind of answer did you have in mind?

One day a blonde, tried of being made fun of for her hair color, decided that she should trick some people by dying her hair brown. Now, the newly-brunetted blonde went off in search of someone to prove her intelligence to.The first person she came to was a farmer watching his herd of sheep. What a great opportunity, thinks the blonde. So, she walks up to him and says Hey, if I can tell you how many sheep are in that whole herd without counting, will you give me one of them? Now, it was a very big herd, so the farmer says, Why not? So, whats your guess?368, the blonde-in-disguise replies.The farmer is shocked, thats exactly the right answer! Well, the blonde claimed her prize, and was smugly walking away, when the farmer ran back up to her.Um, Miss? he said, If I can guess your real hair color, will you give me back my dog?

A: The cow fell on her.

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husbands best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while theyre just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the womans house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation…

(She is speaking in a cheery voice)

Hello? Oh, hi. Im so glad that you called. Really? Thats wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye.

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, Who was that?

Oh she replies, That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time hes having on his fishing trip with you.

Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q: Why did God give women legs?

A: So that they wouldnt leave tracks like snails!

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son said, All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause were going down the tracks.

The horrified mother went in and told her son, We dont use that kind of language in this house!! Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.

She hears the little boy continue, For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.

As the mother began to smile, the child added, For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.