A medical professional recently told me about a strange and little known
malady. Somehow, it seemed appropriate to forward the information here.
I did not make this up. Honest.
witzelsucht (vitsel-zoocht) [Ger.]
A mental condition characteristic of frontal lobe lesions and marked by
the making of poor jokes and puns and the telling of pointless stories, at
which the patient himself is intensely amused.
From Dorlands Illustrated Medical Dictionary, 26th edition.
On a plane, a man and his wife are offered tea and both accept. The man tries to be sweet to his wife, saying “Pass the sugar, sugar…. Pass the honey, honey.” Then he says, “Pass the tea, you old bag.”
A seventy-five year old guy, his hair is completely white, marries a twenty-two year old girl, and she gets pregnant. Nine months later, he walks into the Maternity Ward. He says to the nurse, Well, howd I do?
The nurse says, She had twins.
He says, Heh, heh, heh…well, I guess that goes to show, that even if theres snow on the roof, there can still be fire in the furnace.
She says, Well, then youd better change filters. Both of the babies are black.
How do you know when youve satisfied a redhead?
She unties you.
8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00 5lbs lighter on the scale
9:30 Light Breakfast
11:00 Sunbathe
12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45 Shopping
2:30 Run into boyfriends/husbands ex – notice shes gained 30 lbs
3:00 Facial, massage, nap
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing 10:00 Make love
11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.
It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room
When you hear the toilet flush and the words Uh-oh, its already too late
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it
A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 60 year old man says they can only do it in the movies
If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak – it explodes
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep
Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old
Super glue is forever
McGyver can teach us many things we dont want to know
No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still cant walk on water
Pool filters do not like Jello
VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do
Always look in the oven before you turn it on
The fire department in San Jose has at least a 5 minute response time
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy
It will however make cats dizzy
Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy
How careers end…
Holy people are disgraced.
Pastry chefs are deserted.
Perfume makers are dissented.
Butterfly collectors are debugged.
Grabels Law: 2 is not equal to 3, not even for large values of 2.
A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and
stole — are you ready for this? — the banks video camera. While it was
recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere
in the bank, so he didnt get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.)
I said no to drugs, but they didnt listen!